


Lately

by Moonbeam (KhonshusKnight)



Series: Twin Packs [3]
Category: ONEUS (Band)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, M/M, Mpreg, Post Break Up, Pregnancy Scares, broken up Seoho/Youngjo, tokophobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:27:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 41,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26130385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KhonshusKnight/pseuds/Moonbeam
Summary: The transition within the pack that started with Youngjo and Hwanwoong mating, has not been as easy as they had first hoped it would be.
Relationships: Kim Youngjo | Ravn/Yeo Hwanwoong
Series: Twin Packs [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1863688
Comments: 143
Kudos: 125





	1. We're Both Victims of Love - Seoho

**Author's Note:**

> This starts between chapters 5 and 6 of Compass and then runs concurrently after. (ch 6 of Compass should come today or tomorrow).
> 
> Thank you in advance for all the likes, comments and kudos. 
> 
> I blame the music video and lyrics for To Be Or Not To Be... so really Seoho did this to himself ;)

Seoho was pretty sure that this was the first time since the breakup that Youngjo had come to talk to him in this room. The room that had once been their room. He tried his best to not make that comment, knowing that it would be redundant and being as reactive as his brain wanted him to be, was not going to make him feel better to start a fight with Youngjo. He watched Youngjo looking at the pictures, "You haven't taken all our pictures down." 

"I look cute in some of them." Seoho shrugged, he knew deep down that it was not true, part of him was unable to take them down - to close that door completely. Youngjo and him had met in high school, when it was okay for alphas to date each other because in the end they'd 'grow out of it' but all of Seoho's crushes had been on alphas, his first kiss was another alpha and currently he was on a dating app for alphas who were interested in other alphas. Youngjo had been the one to ask him out, and Seoho had fallen in love so fast with Youngjo. Everything had fallen into place and as soon as they were old enough Youngjo had started his own pack. 

Partially because it was normal to leave your parents packs, but also because Youngjo's parents had not approved of him remaining in a relationship with an alpha. Geonhak and Youngjo had been packmates and Dongju joined them shortly after. Keonhee had met Youngjo and had agreed to join the pack, bringing along another omega - Hwanwoong, and that was where the problems had began. It had been obvious from the first day that Hwanwoong and Youngjo were drawn to each other, they were to be mates, but Youngjo had promised Seoho that it didn't matter, that he loved _him_ and that wouldn't change. But it had. 

"I need to talk to you." Youngjo said, and Seoho knew that the wounds ran deep on both of them, they were unable to just talk now. After the breakup they'd argued almost every time they'd spoken and it had left them both apprehensive about talking to each other. 

"About what?" 

"I'm thinking of moving us into pack housing, it would be three houses that are connected, I think that Dongju and Geonhak will need that extra space as they're looking at adopting and they will want to be alone with their bond." Seoho couldn't believe this was what Youngjo wanted to talk about, why would he have any objections to this? "You would also be free-er to bring your... dates home, so you don't have to fuck in your car." Seoho raised a brow, so this was what it was about. Dongmyeong. He had wondered when Youngjo was going to try to talk to him more about this, they had covered the bare minimum when the whole situation had blown up but never again after it was established that Dongmyeong's child was not Seoho's. 

"Go on Youngjo, ask me about Dongmyeong, I know if I slept with him before you bit Hwanwoong it will make you feel better." Seoho knew he had told Youngjo to be with Hwanwoong, because Hwanwoong was suffering from rejection sickness, but that had not meant that it did not still hurt. "Well you're in luck, I slept with Dongmyeong the day after you moved out of our room, and you waited until his heat to bite him, so congratulations Youngjo, you can sleep easier knowing that you didn't technically sleep with someone else first." 

"I'm not point scoring with you Seoho. I was asking your opinion." 

"That's not why you're here Youngjo, you know more than anyone that I would love to move into housing because then I wouldn't have to see you two all the damn time. You came to talk to me because now you know I slept with Dongmyeong that you might come out of this looking better. At least when Geonhak came to talk to me, he at least pretended he was defending Dongju and his twin bond." 

"Seoho, you know-" 

"I swear if you say you didn't mean to hurt me Youngjo. Because you might not have meant to, but you ripped my heart out and just expected me to carry on breathing." 

"You think it didn't hurt me Seoho?" Youngjo just shook his head. "You know I still-" 

"You have a mate Youngjo." Seoho said flatly. "I don't think he'd appreciate this conversation." 

"Seoho." Youngjo looked tired, "I don't need this. I have enough with everything going on with Dongju and Geonhak." 

"It's easier for you to try to manage them rather than deal with what you did to me." Seoho said, he turned his back to Youngjo because he knew that hurting each other like this was pointless. 

"You told me too!" Youngjo raised his voice and Seoho just rolled his eyes, not that Youngjo could see. 

"What was I supposed to say? Hwanwoong was going through rejection sickness and it was killing you to see him suffering." Seoho did turn back around to look at Youngjo. "What did you want me to do, say no Youngjo just let him suffer? I bet your parents are thrilled, you got yourself a pretty little omega, you're going to carry on the family legacy. Dating an alpha was just a phase for you. My mistake. I should have known you would do this to me, but instead I let myself think that it was going to be okay." Seoho shook his head. "We have this argument over and over and go nowhere with it. What is it you want me to say Youngjo? You want me to forgive you? Well I don't." Seoho shrugged, "And you have your answer, I would _love_ to move to housing, so I don't have to see him all over you all the time, so we can help Dongju and Geonhak in their adoption journey. Keonhee and I get on, we would be able to live there even with our partners as neither of us are going to have kids. Maybe I'll find an alpha and leave the pack." Seoho said, knowing it was a low blow. "Don't look at me like you're a kicked puppy, you broke my heart Youngjo." 

"I didn't-" 

"It doesn't change that it did."

\- ☆ - 

Keonhee was a difficult one in the pack, Seoho liked him but Keonhee and Hwanwoong had grown up together and Seoho knew where Keonhee stood on the issue regarding Youngjo. Keonhee was currently dating an alpha - although Seoho wasn't entirely sure that the other was planning on going somewhere serious with it. Seoho was surprised to see Dongju curled up in Keonhee's bed - it had been a while since the youngest pack member had been seeking comfort from the beta. Seoho wondered if everything was okay - they had told the pack they were going the adoption route but Seoho wondered if the omega was really okay. Keonhee's door was open and while Dongju was sleeping in the bed, Keonhee was at his desk. Seoho entered and Keonhee turned to see him. "If you want to talk we should do it out of my room - Geonhak, you know." 

"Yeah." Seoho said, eyes on Dongju, wondering if he would have been happier if he'd ever fallen for an omega. Or would it be like this, Seoho had seen the distress Dongju being in pain was causing Geonhak, he knew the other felt like it was his job to look after the omega but Dongju was going through a pain none of them could save him from. Keonhee got up and went with Seoho to the kitchen. "I just wanted to talk to you about something Youngjo spoke to me about." 

Keonhee looked at him, probably not sure he trusted the two alpha's to be alone together. Which was stupid, because Youngjo would never cheat on Hwanwoong and Seoho did love his pack and wouldn't risk that. "About the housing? Hwanwoong mentioned it." 

"Mhm, we'd be together, would that be okay?" 

"I don't see why we'd have a problem." Keonhee said looking away from Seoho. "You know I didn't pick a side. I know what it's like to love someone who finds their mate Seoho, but Hwanwoong is my best friend and he deserves the love of an alpha." 

"I know, but did he really have to have my alpha." Seoho just shook his head. 

"Seoho, he didn't chose the bond-" 

"I know." 

"It's also been over a year-" 

"I know that too." Seoho just sighed. "I know and I'm happy for them. I just wish it didn't hurt. I wish I'd never met him." Seoho lent against the counter. "I wasn't even supposed to be in his class but at the last second I got changed to his. I love this pack, but sometimes I think it would be better if I just left. Part of me hoped Dongmyeong's child was mine - so I would have a reason to leave and maybe a pack to go to." 

"Oh yeah, Giwook would have _loved_ that. Seoho, you are wanted in this pack." 

"You say that but we have enough with Dongju and Geonhak - no one wants an alpha who's still in love with his mated ex." Seoho had never really mentioned that he was still in love with Youngjo but he was sure the others knew. "Is Dongju okay?" 

"Yeah, Geonhak is working late tonight and he doesn't like sleeping alone, so he came to me. Hwanwoong is meeting Youngjo's parents and obviously you're an alpha." 

"He finds the most comfort in you." 

"Well normally omegas comfort each other, but I think he will continue to struggle with Hwanwoong for a bit. Dongju just struggles with other omegas because they could have what he can't. He's in a lot of pain and I know Geonhak is annoyed that he seeks comfort from me but he's our pack, we can't just let him suffer." Keonhee sighed looking at Seoho. "But that doesn't mean that your pain is less important." After a pause Keonhee shifted nervously, "Can I ask you something?" 

"Sure?" 

"What is sex with an alpha like?" Keonhee was flushing rapidly, "Like to receive- and before you say anything I'm asking you because I can't ask my best friend's mate about his sex life." 

"Why not ask Dongju or even Hwanwoong they're having the most sex with alphas." 

"Because they're designed for it." Keonhee said flatly. Seoho should have really made that link himself. "The knot-" 

"It hurts." Seoho said with a shrug. "it's not terrible but it does hurt a bit. Your boyfriend - hookup, whatever, ask him to either hold back the knot or pull out before. In the years I was with Youngjo we only knotted each other occasionally, it was more often by accident, we didn't like causing each other discomfort. Ironically considering how he shattered my heart and just left me to try to put it back together."

"Have you tried dating again?" Keonhee gave him a little smile. "I mean... is Harin-" 

"Harin is not into other alphas and that would be kinda weird anyway. He's... otherwise occupied." Seoho said with a smile and Keonhee looked at him confused. Dongmyeong and Seoho had become good friends since their one night stand and Dongmyeong was keeping him up to date with their pack (and also with how big Seri was getting). Seoho knew that part of their friendship did include them trying to protect and look after Dongju, they understood each other in a way that they both had not anticipated. "It's hard to just get out there, I'm on a dating app but I'm not really... active." 

"Leave it with me." Keonhee grinned, "I'm gonna get back to Dongju, he might kill me if he wakes up alone."

\- ☆ - 

Seoho was surprised when Youngjo came into his room again - apparently he was going to need to hide somewhere else. He eyed Youngjo who seemed surprisingly tense considering he'd just visited his parents, who he imagined were oh so thrilled that their son had finally decided to be with an omega. "Can we talk?" 

"We are doing." Seoho sighed, he hated seeing Youngjo like this, he just wanted to hold him - but knew he couldn't. "What has you so stressed? I'm sure your parents were _thrilled_ you'd finally decided to 'be normal' and mate with an omega." 

"You know I never thought we were abnormal. I was with you because of our feelings and it was right." 

"Until a tiny omega-" 

"I don't want to fight about Hwanwoong today Seoho." Youngjo sighed, he sat down on the bed next to Seoho who had no choice but to move his laptop so they could look at each other. "My parents asked about you." 

"Oh I'm sure they did." Seoho rolled his eyes. "They hated me, they thought I'd tainted you. Like I'd tricked you into fucking an alpha. I mean the fact that my sister is a beta with an alpha is nothing-" 

"I know, and I'm sorry that they made it difficult for you while we were together. But we can't all have parents like yours who just wanted you to be happy." Youngjo sighed. "Actually my mom asked about how we ended-" 

"Oh I bet she did, so she could celebrate with everyone and tell them how you broke my heart." 

"It broke my heart too Seoho." Youngjo spoke softly, and Seoho knew he had to try to have a conversation rather than just lash out. "But my mom wanted to ask, in part to see if I still feel for you, but our breakup, we could have handled it better - I should have been better to you. We were together years and there is a part of me that will always love you. My first love, the first person I ever got the courage to ask out, my first everything was you and you deserved better than what happened." 

"Okay." Seoho said quietly. "What do you want me to say Youngjo?" 

"I want us to get to a good place, a place where we can be around each other and not hurt-" 

"You want me to stop loving you"

"Seoho." 

"I know you have Hwanwoong - and I love Hwanwoong, really, but I can't stop my feelings for you even though I really want to. If I could just stop loving you that would be so good, I wouldn't- it doesn't matter." 

"It does Seoho, I want to work this out."

"There is no working this out Youngjo. You broke my heart to fuck and omega. It's somehow worse than if you'd just left me. He can give you what I never could and I'm just here in our pack, still in love with you, looking like a complete fool in front of everyone. I slept with Dongmyeong - I know, because I wanted to see why I am still in fucking love with an alpha. He was a mistake, I knew he had a true mate but in that moment I didn't care. I just wanted to forget you, and now I don't know what I'm going to do Youngjo, how can I date anyone? No one is you but if you could do this to me, after everything we went through together, how can I ever trust another alpha to not do the same?" it was Youngjo's turn to avoiding looking at Seoho. "I don't know if you can work that out. I don't want to talk about it, not with you. Your mate won't be happy if you're in here much longer, so can you leave?" 

"Seoho..." 

"I have nothing else to say." Seoho said and Youngjo just nodded. 

"I'm sorry." 

"Please Youngjo, please can you just leave." Youngjo left and Seoho curl himself up under the blankets, cried until he was almost gasping for breath, falling into a fitful sleep, knowing the others could sense his pain and were choosing to leave him - because he hated when they worried about him.


	2. Standing on a crossroad - Hwanwoong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw// pregnancy scare, tokophobia 
> 
> This is a plotline I am a little worried about but my close friend suffers from tokophobia and has experienced people not understanding her and her feelings so I thought it would be nice to bring it into more people's awareness. 
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos, comments and hits. You guys are the reason I keep writing.

Hwanwoong sat in the bed watching Youngjo sleeping, his alpha, but was he really his? Although if the emotions radiating from Seoho's room all evening were anything to go by, they'd had another argument. Hwanwoong wished there was a way to ease the pain that Seoho was feeling and he knew that he wasn't helping. Keonhee - his best friend and the reason they had joined this pack - told him, he needed to tone down the claiming behaviour but it was all instinct, he wasn't even aware he was doing it. Not only that, but no one said anything when Dongju made his claim with Geonhak known, although Geonhak hadn't previously been sleeping with a different member of the pack. Hwanwoong got out of the bed, pulling on one of Youngjo's shirts and going out to the kitchen, he stopped when he walked into the kitchen and saw Seoho sat at the kitchen island eating ramen. "Oh I thought everyone was asleep." Hwanwoong said quietly. They'd barely spoken since it had happened almost a year prior. Seoho just looked at him and shrugged. 

"I was hungry. I missed dinner." 

"I'm sorry." 

"So everyone keeps saying." Seoho said not really giving his feelings away. "Please don't you also tell me I'll find my omega one day." 

"No... I know how you feel." Hwanwoong said quietly. "We were friends once." 

"And then you mated with my boyfriend. I also do that to my friends." Hwanwoong just sighed, he deserved that but at the same time, he did wonder just how long Seoho intended to punish him for it. "The worst part is, is I can't be mad at either of you for it. It was your secondary pheromones or whatever, and you were sick and I told him it was okay." 

"Seoho" Hwanwoong was surprised to hear that, he wondered why Youngjo had never told him that fact about what had happened. He had been out of it because of the rejection sickness. 

"Oh he didn't tell you that bit. Well I did. I told him to bite you. I told him that I'd be fine, and now I'm not fine. So I guess I was the one who lied." Seoho looked at the ramen. "I don't hate you Hwanwoong." 

"You act like you do. You barely look at me." 

"He bit you on your neck." Seoho said by way of explanation and Hwanwoong moved to cover his neck slightly, it was true. Youngjo had bit him in a highly visible place. "So forgive me for not being ready to look at it." 

"I didn't think-" 

"I know what happens during a bite, so I don't blame you. I just don't want to look at it." 

"Why did you tell him to bite me?" Hwanwoong said, having forgotten why he even came in the kitchen in the first place. 

"Because I love him." Seoho said simply, the present tense - so he still loved him, Hwanwoong tried not to feel jealous, it wasn't anything to do with him how Seoho still felt. "And I cared about you and our pack. You were deep in rejection sickness, and Dongju was curled around you almost all the hours of the day, and Keonhee was so worried about you. Geonhak talked to me twice about it, but Youngjo never asked me. He never- He promised me when you joined the pack that it changed nothing. That our love was bigger than the mate bond." Seoho let out a bitter laugh, "he wasn't going to ask me, but he was in distress as you got sicker. I made the choice for our pack, for both of you. I took the dilemma out of his hands because I knew it was killing him." Hwanwoong watched Seoho carefully, hand still covering the bite on his neck. 

"I'm sorry, I know it's hard being an alpha who likes alphas..." 

"Well I'm sure his parents preferred you to me when you saw them." 

"Kind of, they think I'm on the small side for the whole children thing and then they weren't impressed when they asked me when we were planning on having children and I said I didn't know." 

"Dating alphas is so much simpler." Seoho said taking a sip of his drink. "You might want them when Dongju and Geonhak adopt." 

"I won't." Hwanwoong said "I don't want any children." 

"Oh-" 

"I know it's weird, I'm an omega, but I have tokophobia." Hwanwoong said and then covered his mouth. He'd never said it out loud and of course he'd pick the absolute worst person to tell, the person who would tell Youngjo. 

"Oh." Seoho said quietly. "You haven't told Youngjo that you have a phobia of pregnancy and childbirth?" Hwanwoong shook his head. surprised that Seoho knew what that was. 

"I can't tell him." Hwanwoong said, "I just need more time. And it's not just a phobia. It's serious." 

"Okay." Seoho said, "and Youngjo is your alpha, he'll understand," Seoho shook his head. "Look your secret is safe with me, I avoid Youngjo so I'm not going to tell him but you will have to one day." 

"Thank you."

"I'm sorry I can't be your friend right now. But it won't hurt once the pain's gone." Seoho said, as he got up and threw his cup ramen in the trash and put his chopsticks in the sink for washing tomorrow before going back to his room. Hwanwoong watched him all the way back to the room, trying not to hold his breath.

\- ☆ - 

Hwanwoong had been pacing for about twenty minutes, he had been feeling off for a few days, and his brain had gone back over everything. Google had told him symptoms could point to early pregnancy and he _could not_ be pregnant. He would die if he was. He had missed his contraceptives one day, so maybe? He'd never slept with Youngjo without a condom but that didn't mean it wasn't possible. There was still the chance of failure. He wasn't sure what to do, he did not want to tell Youngjo - if he was pregnant he needed Youngjo to not know until he'd made a decision and then he couldn't tell anyone who was going to tell Youngjo before he was ready. 

He had decided that Dongju was the only person he could turn to. Dongju already had pregnancy tests. Dongju would know what to do, how to take them and Dongju was another omega, omegas always look after each other. He knew Dongju was home, he'd heard him in the kitchen earlier and Geonhak was out recording with Youngjo so it would be the ideal time to do this. Geonhak would tell Youngjo the second he found out, but Dongju understood how omega's felt. He took a few minutes psyching himself up, he was scared but he had to find out, he had to _know_ for certain. He knocked on the other's door, Dongju answered, he was still wearing makeup even though it was his day off - it was something different to what Dongju normally wore but it was still pretty. "Hwanwoong, is everything okay?" Dongju asked, although he could tell from Dongju's face that he must be radiating his fear. 

"No. I think I might be pregnant." Hwanwoong said on the verge of tears. "I need your help." Dongju took Hwanwoong's arm and pulled him into the room. He sat the smaller down on the chair at his vanity and Hwanwoong burst into tears. Dongju was patient with him, he knew that Hwanwoong wasn't really comforted by being held - sometimes he even rejected Youngjo, so Dongju just held his hand and sat there radiating calm. Hwanwoong managed to self soothe and Dongju gave him a little smile. 

"Feel better?" 

"No." 

"Well we've stopped the crying, can you tell me what happened?" 

"I missed a day of my contraceptive, and I've had some of the early pregnancy symptoms and I really can't." Hwanwoong could feel himself getting even more panicked again, his chest felt tight and he was feeling trapped, he just couldn't think. 

"Hwanwoong, listen to me." Dongju said quietly. "I have been here before, okay? I have been even more sure than this that I was pregnant but I've never had a positive test, okay? This can just be a part of your heat cycle, or you're just feeling run down, or it's something else. I can promise you that these symptoms can be for many reasons." Hwanwoong nodded, coming to Dongju was the right call. "Is something wrong, do you not want to have a child with Youngjo?" 

"I can't." Hwanwoong said barely able to make it above a whisper. "I can't be pregnant." 

"Okay. You don't want a baby, that's fine. No one has to do anything, but before we worry about that we need to do a test okay?" Hwanwoong nodded, at Dongju, just trusting the other omega. "I have tests in the bathroom. We always bought more... in case we got a positive and wanted to take another one to confirm, and I haven't taken one for a while so they're still in our bathroom" Hwanwoong nodded and followed Dongju into the bathroom. He was surprised at how easily Dongju had just accepted that he did not want to be pregnant. 

"Dongju, can you not tell Geonhak, Youngjo doesn't know..." 

"I wouldn't tell him until you told Youngjo, if there was anything to tell." 

"I just can't be pregnant and I've not told Youngjo, so this would be a different experience for him." 

"Why didn't you tell him you don't want kids?"

"I have a fear of childbirth and pregnancy, like it feels like I might die, if I did get pregnant." Hwanwoong looked away and he just waited for Dongju to laugh at him. 

"If you were pregnant, you would not die, Hwanwoong." Dongju said softly. "But I know what it's like to be afraid, even if it doesn't make the most sense. You're afraid and that's okay. If you can't be pregnant because you're afraid then if you are we will work out what to do next. But I want you to know that you are _not_ going to die. Take this test." Dongju handed it to Hwanwoong. "You are going to be okay, no matter the result." 

"Are you sure?" Dongju nodded and Hwanwoong took the test out of the box, it was scary to have it in his hands now. He had never imagined he would ever need to take one of these. 

Hwanwoong sat holding the test, he needed to take it. He needed to find out if he was pregnant or now. Dongju was setting a timer. "Once you take the test, put the cap on and start the timer. Woong... will you be okay to wait alone. I- this is just the worst feeling for me." 

"Dongju. I can't do this alone." 

"I know. But Woong, I really can't be here for it. I've sat here so often hoping to see that stupid line. I want to... I know you're scared but, please understand that I just can't. I haven't even gone in the cupboard with the tests since we stopped actively trying. Geonhak and I agreed that I wouldn't take any more tests unless there was a real reason to believe it would come up positive. I really find even this hard." Hwanwoong knew the youngest of the pack had been having a hard time, and he knew it was bad as it had had Dongju lashing out at them but he hadn't realised just how much damage the situation had caused. "Seoho is home if you want someone else to sit in here." 

"You think Seoho would want to sit with me while we wait to see if his ex got me pregnant." Hwanwoong didn't look at Dongju but he nodded. "I'm scared to do this alone." 

"I know." Dongju said softly. "I'll see if Seoho will sit with you. Try not to think of the outcome you don't want. Panicking is not going to help." Dongju gave him a small smile. "No matter what the test says, we can work out what to do. Okay? I know it seems like I'm unsupportive but... no matter what us omegas stick together. Okay? No alpha is going to tell us what to do." 

Dongju left and Hwanwoong took the test, pushing the cap on and starting the timer. He sat on the edge of the bath and thought of how many times Dongju and Geonhak had sat here hoping for the opposite result. He looked up when the door opened and Seoho came in. He sat next to Hwanwoong on the bath. "Dongju told me what's going on." Seoho took a slow breath as if deciding what to say next. "Are you okay?" 

"I will be if that test is negative." 

"I'm sure it will be. Dongju is just outside the door if you need him." Seoho was being nice, he knew this must be a hard thing for him to do. "Are you planning on crying, because I'm not the best at dealing with that." 

"I'm going to try not to cry." Hwanwoong said looking at Seoho. "What are you doing home from work today?"

"We had online meetings with branches across the world in the middle of the night so I don't have to go in today. Its lucky right? Otherwise you'd have to do this alone and no one should be scared and alone doing this." 

"Plenty of people are when they take these tests." 

"Well you're one less." Seoho took a breath "You're still my pack no matter what happened. Youngjo wouldn't want you to be alone." Hwanwoong nodded looking at his hands. 

"Is Dongju okay?" 

"Yeah, you know he's stronger than we all give him credit for, he just can't be in here. Geonhak told me that they're just avoiding reminders of their struggle to have kids. It is making them both happier, so it's better that we do this rather than calling in Dongju." 

"I know, I- I just knew he'd know what to do." 

"He knows better than I do." Seoho said with a little laugh. "But it's going to be okay, no matter what the result is." 

"You can't tell Youngjo about this." 

"We don't talk very often." Seoho shrugged, "I'm not going to tell him anything about you and this. You need to stop worrying about - Youngjo won't think any differently of you because you don't want kids. I mean - he was with me for years, we were never having kids." 

"That's different." 

"It's not. Not really." Seoho shrugged, "You told me that you _can't_ , and I might not be able to interpret omegas very well but even I can feel how scared you are. He would never want you to go through this fear. None of us want you to feel this way." Seoho said with a reassuring smile. "The timer is almost done." 

Hwanwoong nodded, he knew that his pack would not want him to be afraid, but he also knew that Youngjo's family had expectations - ones he could not fulfill. He tried not to hold his breath. 

Then he felt Youngjo before he saw him. He burst through the door and before Hwanwoong could even react Seoho was standing between them. Dongju behind Youngjo trying to pull him back. The timer went off and Seoho just reached to turn it off, although it brought Youngjo's attention to the pregnancy test. "And what's all this?" 

Hwanwoong grabbed the test and breathed out in relief. Negative.


	3. All your words keep lingering in my head - Youngjo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently I cannot resist the drama. 
> 
> Also if you want to hear the song Seoho is listening to it was [Like Being Shot - Kim Feel](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IMdN7tUPX8s)
> 
> Thank you for your comments, kudos and just reading this fic. You guys are really why I keep going~

Youngjo stood there, eyes on his mate and his ex. He could feel the distress coming off Hwanwoong, eyes flickered to Seoho, Seoho was blocking him from sensing his feelings. Seoho might not know much about omegas and struggle to interpret their cues but he was very knowledgeable about how alpha's worked and he'd learnt while they were dating how to block Youngjo out. Dongju had his hand on Youngjo's back. "Youngjo just leave them-" 

"No." Youngjo turned back to them, "What's all this?" Youngjo repeated himself, eyes on his mate. Hwanwoong just stared at the floor and Seoho shifted slightly, blocking his view. Why was Seoho protecting Hwanwoong- what did this all mean?

"You need to calm down Youngjo. You can't just come in here with all this anger and expect a conversation." 

"Yes Seoho, because you would know anything about conversations." Youngjo could just feel the rage rising in him. Dongju's hand on his back was a connection, Dongju was trying to calm him down but it wasn't working, not with Hwanwoong's discomfort radiating through them. Youngjo was trying to look at Hwanwoong but Seoho was in the way which was driving the pack leader insane. "You need to leave Lee Seoho." 

"Or what Youngjo? I'm not going to leave you with Hwanwoong when you're this angry." 

"Don't tell me how to handle my own mate Seoho, what would you know about omegas." Youngjo was surprised that Seoho was still blocking him, he could see how angry the other was. 

"Oh yes, because you're such a fucking expert Youngjo. Hwanwoong is frightened and you came here ready to rip our heads off, because that isn't going to make him more frightened is it?" Seoho wasn't going to back down about this, and Dongju was trying to get them to calm down but it was having very little effect on them. "You think you know everything because you're our pack leader but there is nothing about you that qualifies you more than Geonhak or I. You can't even tell when your omega needs you to calm down." 

"Yeah well you couldn't even tell the difference between a pregnant omega and one who was pregnant with your own child." Youngjo glared at him harder. 

"Maybe I just wanted an excuse to get away from you." 

"No one is keeping you here Seoho. If you want to go you know where the door is!" 

"Why should I leave my family because you have absolutely no control over your own fucking pheromones! You broke up with me to be with Hwanwoong and you can't even respond properly to his fucking emotional needs. What kind of alpha are you?" Seoho was pushing him and Youngjo could feel Seoho pushing against the pack bond, they were steps away from a pack challenge. Dongju had pushed past them both and was standing between them, trying to keep them apart. 

"I'm a better alpha than you Seoho. At least-" 

"Stop Youngjo." Hwanwoong spoke up. "You need to calm down. It's not his fault." Hwanwoong moved, grabbing Youngjo's hand and tugging it. "We need to go before you say something you'll regret." 

"Challenge me if you want Seoho, but you know I'd win." Youngjo glared at him but let Hwanwoong take him out and into their own room. Hwanwoong was still nervous, and it was driving Youngjo insane. He was frustrated and his anger was just increasing against his better judgement. 

"What was that about?" Hwanwoong said quietly. "You shouldn't have gone at Seoho like that." 

"Why do you care?" 

"Because he is our pack Youngjo. Because at one point you loved him. Because he is still in love with you and that is not how we treat each other." Hwanwoong shook his head and Youngjo knew a stand off with Hwanwoong was not going to get him anywhere. 

"So you think you might be pregnant?" Hwanwoong tensed. "I saw the test. Why are you doing a test in Dongju and Geonhak's bathroom?" 

"To avoid this exact conversation." Hwanwoong stared at Youngjo. "I'm not pregnant." 

"Okay?" Youngjo said unsure of where this conversation was going. Part of him wanted to talk to Seoho and understand why his mate had not only not been able to come to him but had gone to an alpha that didn't even talk to him. "You seem happy." 

"I didn't want to be pregnant." 

"It was more than that, you were afraid. Did you have a question over paternity?" Youngjo was doing his best to remain calm. "I've heard Seoho has his-" 

"Okay, I did not cheat on you, especially not with Seoho. He barely talks to me and he only has sex with alphas." 

"You two looked close in the bathroom and you know as well as I do it wouldn't be the first time he could be the father." 

"Really Youngjo? You're being ridiculous." Hwanwoong rolled his eyes, "Seoho was there because Dongju couldn't sit in there next to me while I waited because of his own pain from taking tests, Seoho was the only other person in the apartment so Dongju went and got him."

"You could have waited." 

"I wanted to avoid this exact conversation Youngjo." 

"You wanted to avoid a conversation about you questioning paternity?" 

"Yes Youngjo." Hwanwoong rolled his eyes. "That's exactly what I didn't want to talk to you about. I don't want to talk about an infidelity I haven't had." Hwanwoong's sarcasm was biting, he was angry, but afraid too. There was more to this and Youngjo felt like nothing was making sense to him.

"Then why were you so- you were terrified Hwanwoong"

"Because I don't want to get pregnant. Ever." Hwanwoong said flatly. "They say I have tokophobia." Youngjo tried to think of what exactly that meant but his brain wasn't working and he couldn't think. "It means I'm afraid of being pregnant and child birth. I had a few of the early pregnancy symptoms and I've been feeling off for a bit - then I remembered I'd accidentally skipped a day on my birth control and of course you always wear something but what if that failed too. It only works 99% of the time. So I had to take the test, in case because I don't know if I made it clear, but I _cannot_ be pregnant." Hwanwoong was scared, Youngjo could feel it, but looking at Hwanwoong you'd think he was the most confident about this situation. "Dongju has always said this pack has a broken omega and he's right. It's me." 

"If you didn't want to have children you could have just told me." Youngjo said flatly. 

"It's not that I- I can't Youngjo." Hwanwoong shook his head. "I can't. The thought of it makes me feel sick." 

"The thought of having children with me makes you sick? Wonderful. Why did you even take my bite? I was happy with Seoho-"

"I can see that Youngjo. You were so happy, that now just over a year later you throw his secondary gender preference in his face. You broke his heart so don't act like anyone forced you into doing that. I didn't ask you to do that!" Hwanwoong was frustrated, which was fine because Youngjo was too. "If you love him, loved him, whatever, like you say you did, you wouldn't have said what you said today." 

"Don't tell me what I should and shouldn't say to my ex." 

"He's in our pack Youngjo! He's in our pack and you were so angry you were going to go right through Dongju! It was like you didn't care who you hurt as long as Seoho regretted standing up to you." Hwanwoong's hands were curled into fists. "Thank god I'm not pregnant." Hwanwoong pushed past Youngjo, slamming the door and Youngjo imagined he went into Keonhee's room. He could feel Hwanwoong's distress through their bond, he could feel Seoho's distress and he was the cause of all of it. He sank down to the floor and wrapped his arms around his knees. He could feel Dongju trying to release calm through the apartment, but it did very little to dampen the general feeling in the dorm. Youngjo went out after he felt Dongju leave, he had thought he was alone but when he got to the kitchen he saw Keonhee who was cooking for two. 

"I'll be done in a second." Keonhee said, Youngjo didn't need to be able to sense that Keonhee was angry with him. The beta was rather expressive with his feelings. Keonhee began to put the food in the dishes and then looked back at Youngjo. "Don't bother trying to talk to him tonight. He's not going to listen. If you hadn't bitten him, he'd be done with you right now." Keonhee shook his head and then walked out with the plates. 

Youngjo looked over at Seoho's door, if he couldn't fix things with Hwanwoong, maybe he would have a better chance with Seoho, although as he stepped closer he could hear the other was playing music. Youngjo recognised the song, it was a song the whole dorm had gotten used to being the background of their lives for a while. _Like being shot_ had played on loop for months after Youngjo and Seoho had broken up. Youngjo stopped at the other's door and just ended up sat with his back against the door, listening to the song, trying to hear Seoho. 

_'it wouldn't hurt this bad even if my heart stopped'_ Youngjo knew why Seoho picked this song, he knew the other was still hurt and he had just made it worse today. He had just perforated Seoho's heart further. He just didn't know if there would ever be a time where he could fix this, where he could make Seoho feel better, to take away the other's pain. Youngjo swore he could hear Seoho crying - and his heart broke listening for any sign. 

Geonhak and Dongju returned while Youngjo was still sat against Seoho's door. Geonhak told Dongju to go to their room and that he'd deal with it. He held out his hand for Youngjo to take and Youngjo did so. The younger took him back to the room that was supposed to be shared with Hwanwoong - but that might end up being his alone if what Keonhee said was true. "I fucked up Geonhak." 

"A bit." Geonhak sighed, both of them sitting on the bed. "Dongju told me what happened. I can't say I ever understood you and Seoho being together, or the whole attraction to alpha's thing, but you need to let him move on from you." 

"I've told him to find someone else." 

"I know but Youngjo, this fighting each other, it has to stop. You and Seoho are going to end up saying things you can never take back and hurting each other beyond repair. You have a mate Youngjo, whatever you felt for Seoho is eclipsed by that. You need to try to understand Hwanwoong and where he is coming from - you can't just argue with him like this. He's afraid - he was afraid of telling you about this, which is why he came to my mate. It is hard for Dongju to deal with these things, and then to add to it you guys trying to have a punch up in our bathroom is just not acceptable Youngjo." 

"He was pushing for a pack challenge." 

"Seoho wasn't the only one letting his emotions cloud his judgement." Geonhak sighed, "You need to try to make up with both of them." 

"Neither of them are talking to me." 

"Give them time to cool off." Geonhak sighed again. "If you can't fix this, we could lose the entire pack Youngjo."


	4. Keep living in my heart... - Seoho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long my mental health has really been suffering lately. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter. 
> 
> Thanks for the kudos, comments and hits. You guys are the best. 
> 
> Also is anyone excited for the Onewe concert this weekend?

Seoho decided that he was going to be the bigger person, he was going to go and end this fight with Youngjo. He'd accidentally overheard Dongju talking to Geonhak about his fear that the pack would be classed as unstable - and while Seoho believed Youngjo deserved what had happened between them in the fight, he also knew that Dongju and Geonhak did not deserve their adoption being at risk because of the history between him and Youngjo. He knocked on the door, and then went in, Youngjo was sat at the desk, reading some sort of medical journal. He was a physiotherapist and always kept up to date with the newest research. "Jo, we need to talk about what happened a few days ago." 

Youngjo put the papers down and turned to look at Seoho, he nodded and Seoho moved to sit down on a chair. "I agree. This isn't the first time we've got so into an argument that you pushed on the pack bond." 

"Yes but last time you just fucked me into a wall, and we aren't going to be doing that today." Seoho shrugged, "honestly, if it was just between us I would have waited for you to decide enough was enough. But Dongju and Geonhak are in the middle of trying to adopt, and we're supposed to be moving into housing soon, we _cannot_ stop them having a kid. No matter how much you broke my heart and no matter how much we let our emotions get out of control." 

"Dongju spoke to me about that." Youngjo said shaking his head. "I'm starting to feel like I'm losing the pack." 

"Jo. Youngjo." Seoho pushed down all his other feelings aside. "You aren't losing the pack but we need to stop fighting, me and you, you and Hwanwoong. We need to just sort it out. We can't risk anything to do with Dongju and Geonhak's family, they are so desperate for a family and we need to put the needs of the pack above our petty fighting." Seoho took a slow breath. "I know you don't need to hear it, but I do forgive you for breaking my heart Youngjo. I have been thinking mostly since our fight about it, but I need to let it go so I can move on. I want to date again, and while there is still part of me that loves you, I also recognise Hwanwoong is your mate and neither of you went out to hurt me, and that the whole situation has hurt everyone involved. Your mate lives unsure if you really want him or if it was just the rejection. I am heartbroken and you are hurting too Youngjo. But if we can't heal our pain then we risk it exploding over everyone." 

"Maybe I should just hand the pack to you." Youngjo sighed, "I am sorry Seoho, I am sorry everything happened the way it did. I am sorry that I couldn't fulfil my promise to you." 

"We were kids when we made that promise. Plus I still think you said it just to make me go to your parents." 

"I wanted them to accept that you were the one for me."

"Good job we didn't force that on them." Seoho shrugged, "You and Hwanwoong are a good match. It's just... still hard for me." 

"I know, and if he decides he doesn't hate me then I will tell him to tone down the claiming behaviour when we are outside of the room - he gets a little out of hand." Youngjo was offering an olive branch and Seoho nodded. 

"You need to make up with Hwawoong, what is it that you don't understand? He has an actual medical condition - and you work in a hospital. He can't bare the thought of being pregnant and you shouldn't be mad at him for it, it is not something that he can control and he was very scared of telling you. He didn't want to let you down - and you're hurting him by avoiding him." 

"Is this what we're going to do now, talk about my mate?" 

"We're adults Youngjo - and also it is important to our pack." Seoho gave him a little smile. "I told you, I'm trying to move on. I just want to look after our pack - but also Dongju really isn't doing great." 

"I know." Youngjo said softly. "He has suffered enough as it is. We will work this out Seoho." Seoho actually felt like for the first time since the breakup that him and Youngjo were actually on the same page. "Do you have any advice for talking to Hwanwoong." 

"Maybe don't shout at him this time." Seoho gave him a little smile, pushing Youngjo's shoulder lightly. "I promise if you try to understand him it will be easier. Hwanwoong just needs to know that you are trying to understand him and he should meet you halfway. You should maybe research his condition, it's not as uncommon as you think, quite a few omegas are terrified of having children." Youngjo nodded and gave Seoho a smile that melted Seoho's heart, and made it hurt just a little bit knowing that that smile wasn't going to be for him anymore. 

When he left he did feel like a weight had been lifted off of his chest. He knew that it was still going to be difficult once Youngjo and Hwanwoong made up, although this fight just seemed to have highlighted the issues in their relationship. Youngjo had only dated Seoho prior to Hwanwoong and maybe his lack of experience with omegas had led to this lack of understanding. Seoho wondered if maybe he was the lucky one, to only be interested in alpha's, at least he didn't have to relearn about things about dating. Although he did think that the issues with Hwanwoong would be issues with anyone, it was not easy to deal with someone like Youngjo. 

Youngjo was a great boyfriend, he was the kind of boyfriend who would do anything for you, but sometimes Youngjo could be quite stubborn or head strong if he thought he was right. He knew deep down that Youngjo was coming from a place of love, he was a pack leader so he had to be strong in his convictions but at the same time he would benefit from listening a little bit better sometimes. Hwanwoong was to be the second in command, as the pack leader's mate and that was a position that Hwanwoong was more than capable of, while Seoho had never gone to talk to Hwanwoong about anything and he knew that Dongju had not been able to talk to anyone really in the pack about their feelings because he was embarrassed but Seoho could see that Hwanwoong was understanding when it came to Dongju. 

There had been times where Dongju had gotten upset with them and it was Hwanwoong who had explained that it was probably something to do with the fertility problems that they all knew were happening between the mated couple. Seoho was unsure if there was anything they could all do to help the couple, Geonhak had confided in him more than once about the pressure he had felt, that he was the one who was supposed to be keeping everything together, even though he was also suffering too, he was struggling and was hiding it from Dongju. Seoho had told him that he should tell the other man but he was not entirely sure that Geonhak had spoken to Dongju and been honest about how he was feeling, he knew that deep down they could both feel each other's pain and sometimes Seoho wished he had that, someone who he could share emotions with without trying, but Seoho had never found himself attracted to omega's. Explaining what had happened with Dongmyeong was easier said than done. He had just been trying to forget and Dongmyeong wanted him - because he was also angry about a situation.

\- ☆ - 

Keonhee came into Seoho's room - everyone had been hiding, Hwanwoong and Youngjo had yet another fight, even though they were supposed to be making up but clearly that was easier said than done. "Don't ask me to get involved." Seoho said quietly. "I've already spoken to Youngjo and I don't even want to know how he managed to mess it up this time."

"I'm leaving them to it." Keonhee said with a shrug. "I was actually just coming to tell you, my alpha _friend_ told me about an alpha he knows who is like you and only likes other alphas and you did say I could set you up on a date." 

"Okay." Seoho eyed Keonhee, who was far too excited just to set him up with someone. "Tell me about this alpha." 

"She's called Hye-jin, she's an interior designer. She's really cool, she's Youngjo's age and she's really pretty. Like I don't know what your type is other than alpha and Youngjo but I have a picture." Keonhee came over and showed Seoho an image of a woman on his phone. She was beautiful and Seoho hated the way his cheeks flushed a little, she was more than beautiful and Seoho wasn't entirely sure that he would even be able to talk to her about anything.

"Is your alpha in her pack?" 

"No." Keonhee flushed a little, "friend is in a different pack but he works with her." 

"How did the sex go?" Seoho asked looking at his own phone, seeing what was going on so he could see when he was free. 

"Um... it was good, he was nice, he looked after me." Keonhee shifted a little bit awkwardly, "so when are you free to see her." 

"I can do this weekend if she's free." Seoho tried to ignore how bright Keonhee smiled at his confirmation that he would go on this date.

"Perfect~ You're going to love her and when you two get married or whatever I'm going to be your best man." 

"Okay Keonhee calm down." Seoho shook his head. "I'm literally going on my _first_ date since Youngjo, we're not getting married. And marriage is less than a mate bond." He said quietly. 

"I know." Keonhee said slowly. "I talked to Yonghoon about it - you know he proposed to Hyungu." Seoho nodded, "marriage is less than a mate bond, Hyungu can marry Yonghoon and still mate Harin." 

"It's weird to think that people like us are not seen as good enough for all the rights that other couples get." 

"My alpha friend, he's actually an activist. He's never dated an omega, like you, but he just wants all pairs to be equal. He's really passionate." 

"Sounds like a boyfriend." 

"You know I don't do boyfriends." Keonhee shrugged. 

"Okay, but he sounds like someone you really care about." Seoho gave Keonhee a smile. "You should." 

"Well boyfriends and girlfriends aren't my speed Seoho. That's how you end up with a broken heart, you know that."

\- ☆ - 

Seoho had been a little nervous to meet Hyejin, they were sat at the bar in a wine bar, and Seoho enjoyed her company, it was a lot easier talk after a glass of wine and him and Hyejin got on quite easily. "So how do you know Yunho?"

"Yunho?"

"The guy who set us up." Hyejin laughed a little. "He set me up with someone he didn't know?" 

"Ah that, I'm in Keonhee's pack, Keonhee is-"

"Yunho's boyfriend, ah I did wonder about him, this is perfect." Seoho took a sip of his wine, avoiding thinking about the fact that Yunho was calling Keonhee his boyfriend but Keonhee was denying that they were in a relationship. "I've never met Keonhee and it feels unfair, Yunho and I work together." 

"Keonhee is a bit... private." 

"He's a beta, isn't he?" Hyejin said, "they have it rough - but Yunho is a good guy, so you don't have to worry about your packmate. Yunho will look after him no matter what happens." 

"Yeah, it's rough." Seoho said with a small sigh, he guessed him and Keonhee were always going to be the ones in the pack who had to guard their heart so much they risked losing something good.

"Is it just alphas for you?" Seoho nearly choked at how forward Hyejin was. "I mean it is for me, but I know there are some alphas who are unsure." 

"Uh..." 

"Oh it's your first time talking about it outside of your pack? It's hard to just say it but you're safe here, no one will judge you." 

"It's just alphas. I have only dated one seriously, my pack leader - but now he has a mate." Seoho said softly before taking a drink from his glass. "We'd been together for years and it just wasn't enough." 

"That's rough." Hyejin sounded genuine. "I liked another alpha in my pack Wheein, she's not like you would expect for an alpha, but she was never interested back." 

"Youngjo and I met in school and we left our packs to start a new one with one of his packmates and then one day Keonhee and this omega joined our pack and I should have known that it was only a matter of time before he broke my heart. I was stupid to try to hold onto him." Seoho took a slow breath. "But it, it's never going to be an omega for me - I can't sense them that well, I don't understand all the signals." 

"Yeah that's a thing we don't have." Hyejin shrugged, "it's weird, you know when other alphas talk about feeling omegas around them. I only feel intense feelings."

\- ☆ - 

Seoho walked out of the bar with Hyejin, stopping by his car, he must've been a little buzzed on the wine because he leaned in to kiss her and she kissed back, arm resting on his side. "Do you want to come back to mine?" Seoho asked quietly.

"Seoho." Hyejin said in a way that he knew meant she was going to say no and he felt embarrassment burn through him. "You know that wouldn't be fair to me, you or Youngjo. You would just want to take me home to hurt him for hurting you." 

"Hyejin." 

"I know." She pressed another kiss to Seoho's lips. "You need some time for yourself to heal Seoho. I'll always be here as your friend at least for now."


	5. I'm holding your hand at the edge of the cliff - Hwanwoong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've really been struggling... I was wondering if I made a twitter would y'all be interested in that - I can keep you updated on writing and what I'm writing and all my other works in progress. I don't know... 
> 
> Thank you so much for the comments, kudos and the reads <3

"Do you think I'm over-reacting?" Hwanwoong said lying on his back in Keonhee's bed looking up in the ceiling. "I mean, Seoho seems to have forgiven Youngjo." Although Hwanwoong did wonder if Seoho could ever be angry at Youngjo for a prolonged period of time. 

"I think what Youngjo did to you was different." Keonhee said, sat at his desk. "I think Youngjo should have been more understanding of why you feel the way you do. You have always had this issue with pregnancy. When omegas in our other pack got pregnant you would avoid them. You didn't even look at Dongmyeong when he came over during his and I don't think you'd have been able to spend time with Dongju if he had gotten pregnant." 

"I would have... dealt with it." 

"Oh okay so that's a no." Keonhee shook his head. "Woong, I think you should talk to him about it, it is a pretty big thing to just throw on him. Oh by the way I never want kids, is not something you should drop on someone." 

"It's not that I don't want them. I'll just die." 

"Woong." Keonhee said, moving to get back into the bed. "You aren't going to die, if you got pregnant, you know Youngjo would have you in the _best_ care." 

"I can't get pregnant." Hwanwoong shifted uncomfortably. "You know I can't." Hwanwoong flinched when Keonhee wrapped an arm around Hwanwoong. 

"Don't panic Woong, I was just saying if it happened, Youngjo would know what to do."

"Youngjo just thinks I'm being difficult." Hwanwoong said quietly, "he just thinks that I don't want a baby with him." 

"Well he did kinda accuse you of that and then you ran away and came and hid here." Keonhee sighed, "What's he supposed to think?" 

"He's supposed to think that maybe I was just scared." Hwanwoong shook his head, "He accused me of sleeping with Seoho. Like I'm the one who looks at him across rooms." 

"Woong-" 

"No, I'm the one who has to wonder what he does when I'm not around and they talk in the room they used to fuck in." 

"Seoho isn't having sex with Youngjo." Keonhee was calm. "He's moving on, I set him up on a date and he liked her, Yunho told me that Hyejin and Seoho are texting like all day and apparently are really getting on. I also heard he invited her back here after their date but she said no." 

"Is she an alpha?" 

"Yeah, Seoho isn't interested in looking for an omega. I didn't ask if he'd consider a beta but Yunho told me that the fact that Seoho cannot sense omega's very well is a sign that he just isn't ever going to have a mate like that. Yunho also can't sense them." 

"When am I going to meet your boyfriend?" Hwanwoong said with a grin, it had been a long time since Keonhee had dated anyone and he was a little bit excited to find out more. 

"He's not my boyfriend. Yunho is a friend." Keonhee corrected and Hwanwoong just nodded, he knew that Keonhee had developed a fear of commitment ever since his last break up but Hwanwoong could tell just how much he liked Yunho. 

"Mhm, a friend you have sex with." Hwanwoong shifted onto his side. "You have been seeing him for a while Keonhee, as a friend, are you sure he knows you're friends?" 

"Woong." 

"I know you don't do boyfriends and love, but don't hurt someone who wants to love you to make a point."

\- ☆ - 

Hwanwoong was just looking in a drawer for something when he stumbled across a box, opening it he saw a beautiful ring. He knew what it was instantly - and he knew who it was for, and it wasn't for him. He looked at the ring Youngjo had bought for Seoho, he had been planning on proposing. The ring was gorgeous, and Hwanwoong could just imagine it on Seoho's hand, it was manly but still soft, it showed the multiple sides that the alpha had. He was startled when the door opened. "Hwanwoong." 

"You kept the engagement ring." Hwanwoong knew he sounded jealous - he was jealous. "You kept the ring you were going to give him-" 

"I don't have anything to do with it." Youngjo said softly, moving to take the box off Hwanwoong and putting it away. "It's just in the drawer." 

"I thought we had stuff to talk about but why don't you just give that ring to Seoho?" Hwanwoong said storming out of the room and going into the kitchen, he needed to try to work out what he was going to do. Maybe he was over-reacting? Maybe the ring was really just there in the drawer for no reason and Youngjo was going to sell it or something, the ring had looked expensive. 

He faced Youngjo who had followed him. "You get to be mad about a ring that's in a drawer but at the same time decided we are not going to have a family. How is that fair?" 

"I don't know what you expect me to say." Hwanwoong knew that arguing in the kitchen was a stupid idea. He could feel Dongju was around.

"Woong can you please-" 

"No Youngjo, I'm not going to take the blame for this. I don't want kids, I'm not ever getting pregnant, I'm not going to wake up next week, or next year, or when Dongju and Geonhak have like five amazing kids running around calling them dad and want to do that. I am _never_ going to get pregnant. I am _never_ going to change my mind Kim Youngjo, so you should stop looking at me like I'm doing this just to hurt you." Hwanwoong noticed Dongju entering the room, coming to pour himself a glass of water. 

"You can't just make a life decision for us." 

Dongju had turned. "You can't just decide what an omega is to do with our own body. If he says he doesn't want to have kids-" 

"And what would you know about getting pregnant Dongju- nothing. So stay out of this." 

"I might not know anything about getting pregnant Youngjo, but at least I know to respect my mate." Dongju said before storming off, it didn't take a genius to know the man was going to cry. 

"I can't believe you just said that to Dongju." Hwanwoong eyed Youngjo. "He was only saying you needed to listen to me because you're not listening." Hwanwoong could feel Dongju's distress. "What you said to him was disgusting. He's been trying for a baby since he mated Geonhak and you threw that in his face, Geonhak is not going to forgive you, not when he hears what you said." 

"He should stay out of it-" 

"That's always your main argument isn't it? I should have stayed out of that draw where I saw that fucking engagement ring. You were going to propose to Seoho, you can't expect me to be happy you've kept the ring you were going to give another man." Hwanwoong's eyes met Seoho's who was in the doorway to the kitchen, probably here to agree with Hwanwoong about Dongju - Seoho had taken a rather protective role over the omega when Geonhak wasn't around. Instead of saying anything Hwanwoong did the one thing he could think off, he grabbed his keys and ran out, deciding that he would drive to his parents, because now he was the one who had hurt Seoho. 

When he got home Hwanwoong's parents pulled him into a tight hug, not saying anything about why he had come so distressed. He'd never explained the full story to his parents and it all just came tumbling out of him, making him sob more. He felt safe in his mom's arms as she gently tried to shush him, hand gently stroking his hair. "Youngjo chose you Hwanwoong, you are in a secure mate bond, he didn't have to bite you, but he did - and that means something." 

"I feel so lost mom." Hwanwoong said quietly. "I feel like he's always going to hold onto Seoho and he's always going to resent me for not wanting to get pregnant." He was still crying but the sobs were under control. "I don't want to be mated mom. I was better off alone." Hwanwoong's mom held him closer, not letting him go and Hwanwoong would have fought anyone else off, but this was what he wanted. He needed his mom. "I can't go back." 

"Hwanwoong, you can go back, and you need to talk to Youngjo about all of this. He is getting used to being your mate too and he probably didn't expect to be mated if he was looking to marry an alpha. You feelings about pregnancy are what they are and he should respect you for them, but you need to explain to him that it's something about you, it's not about him or Seoho, it's just you." She gently rocked him, "and you didn't make Youngjo say that to Dongju, your friend will understand that you would never hurt him. What does Keonhee think?" 

"He thinks I need to explain to Youngjo and that Seoho is currently going on dates with other alpha's." 

"See, you need to just talk to him, and take it slowly, you two are mates and he will understand." Hwanwoong curled tighter into his mom. "If you are honest, he will give you that honesty back. You two will grow together. Text your mate that you're staying the night, you need to calm you emotions.

Hwanwoong went up to the room that was his and took out his phone, deciding that he wasn't going to text Youngjo as his mother had suggested. 

**Woong:** Can you tell Youngjo that I'm at my parents and he is not to come. 

**Keonhee:** Can you not tell him?

 **Woong:** No. 

**Keonhee:** Geonhak threatened to leave the pack. 

**Woong:** Did he tell you what Youngjo said to Dongju?

 **Keonhee:** Yeah... 

Hwanwoong lay back on his bed looking up at the ceiling, everything still felt so out of control, it felt like all they did was argue. He loved Youngjo - he could feel the love in their bond, but there was a foundation of hurt and pain and the whole idea of sacrifice that had tinged their bond. Youngjo had chosen him - but at the expense of Seoho and the marriage he was clearly planning. 

**Youngjo💜:** Woong. Keonhee told me you were at your parents. We need to talk about what happened. 

**Youngjo💜:** Woong. I know you're mad at me but can you just tell me that you're okay. You're blocking our bond. 

**Youngjo💜:** If you don't answer I will come out to your parents.

 **Woong:** I'm fine. Don't come. I don't want to see you right now. We will talk about this later, but I'm exhausted and I've just had enough of all the fighting. I don't want to talk to you until I've had a chance to sort my own head out, we cannot continue the way that we are. We need to either fix this or sever. 

**Youngjo💜:** I agree. Okay. Take your time, just text me so I know you're okay. I love you Hwanwoong. 

**Woong:** I love you too. 

Hwanwoong just relaxed back into his bed, closing his eyes as he tried to think of what he was going to do. He had to find a solution to their problem but at this point he wasn't sure there was really ever going to be one.


	6. The Memories of you are the most painful - Youngjo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm starting to get back into my flow of writing so hopefully there will be more updates on these fics ~~and maybe a completely new series~~
> 
> I also did make a twitter, it will be linked from now on at the bottom of my chapters, [Follow Me Here](https://twitter.com/KK_Moonbeam) if you want to chat~
> 
> Thank you so much for the kudos, comments and hits. You guys keep me going <3

"Seoho-" Youngjo knew from Hwanwoong's reaction that the other man must have been around and was unsurprised to see him when he turned.

"So you were going to propose." Seoho spoke slowly and Youngjo just nodded, "well that's lucky that you didn't would have been awkward calling all the wedding services and being like, oh sorry I'd like to cancel the wedding, why? Oh you know, my fiance just decided he'd rather fuck a tiny omega." 

"Seoho." Youngjo sighed. 

"What? Would it have made a difference? Would it really? Why did you keep the ring? You don't have to marry Hwanwoong and what are you really going to do with it?" 

"Do you want to see it?" 

"Why would I want to do that Youngjo? I'd rather take my own eyes out than see that ring." Seoho did force a smile though. "But I do think you should get rid of the ring, you are Hwanwoong's mate, I am nothing to you anymore. I love you - still - but I want you to not fuck this up, Hwanwoong is fully committed to you so don't hold onto me. It just hurts us both in the end." Seoho was sad, Youngjo didn't need to sense the sadness that could consume him. "And Hwanwoong was right Geonhak is gonna be really fucking angry when he gets home, I don't even sense omega's well and I can tell Dongju's crying in his room." 

"Seoho." 

"What are you doing Youngjo?" Seoho said quietly, Youngjo could see the sadness running through him. "You have to stop hurting Hwanwoong, you have to stop hurting the pack - I don't know what Geonhak is going to do when he finds out what you said to Dongju." 

"I know, I shouldn't have said it." 

"No. You should never go there with Dongju. He has been suffering for so long and it is not our place to make comments about it." Seoho just shook his head. "You could lose everything if you aren't careful Youngjo."

\- ☆ - 

Youngjo looked up when the door opened and smiled a little to see Hwanwoong. "Keonhee told us you went back to your parents pack and would be there for a few days."

"Yeah, I just needed some space. And I know you knew as you texted me." Hwanwoong sat down on the bed, Youngjo turned his chair around so they could look at each other. "My mom is really good at advice." 

"Yeah? We should really go visit your parents again soon." Youngjo said with a small smile, "I know they probably hate me as I imagine you told them about Seoho."

"Yeah, I told them about Seoho - but they don't hate you. They actually helped me to understand you." Hwanwoong shifted slightly. "We've never really talked about Seoho and what happened and how you feel, it was over a year ago - but we've never spoken about it. Have you even spoken to him about it?" 

"You don't like me and Seoho being alone together." Youngjo said, "but we can't really talk about it - we don't really _talk_ as much as fight about it whenever it's brought up. There isn't much for Seoho or I to say, we broke up. We broke up because you're my mate, and yet I get to be punished by both of you for it." Youngjo really did feel like both of them were angry with him about the situation, they both seemed to want to fight him constantly. "He's angry with me because I left him and you're mad at me because I left Seoho? I don't understand what it is exactly that is the problem." 

"Youngjo - I'm not mad at you. I just - do you still love Seoho?" Hwanwoong spoke plainly and Youngjo felt the others calmness in the bond that they shared. 

"Yes." Youngjo said honestly, "I don't know if there will ever be a time that I don't care for him. He is my first love, but you are my mate. There is nothing in the world that changes that, I chose _this_ , us, our bond, I know Seoho told you that he told me to bond with you, but I- I could feel the pull to you. I had made him a promise. A promise because when you joined our pack he could see that I was drawn to you, and I promised him that unless he told me to, I would not take you as my mate. I honour my promises and I have promised you though our bond that I chose you, I have promised that Seoho is not an issue, I have promised that I will love only you, but it seems like that isn't enough." 

"Youngjo, it's not that. I see how you look at him when you think I can't see. You are hurting still - I know you chose me, but that doesn't mean you did it without pain." 

"It felt like I was tearing myself apart Hwanwoong." Youngjo just shrugged. "It felt like I had to chose between the two people in my life that would hurt the most. It was a new kind of torture to make a choice and then Seoho allowed me to chose, knowing that I was probably going to chose you - and that is the most painful part of it all. If he'd refused I could be mad at him, but he accepted it, he wanted me to pick you, to stop your rejection sickness. He took all that pain into himself and promised me it would be okay. And it wasn't." Youngjo looked away from Hwanwoong. "It wasn't okay, we all had to listen to him playing that sad song while he sobbed every night. He fucked Dongmyeong to get at me and in the process almost tore apart a true mated pair-" 

"Okay Youngjo, you didn't make him sleep with Dongmyeong, plus I know Dongmyeong was more than just an omega in need. He knew what he was doing when he slept with Seoho." Hwanwoong shook his head. "Would you be happier with Seoho?" 

"Hwanwoong, I know we've been fighting but I'm not planning on leaving you." Youngjo spoke with a gentleness. "I don't want to sever our bond." 

"We could share-" He flushed, "I mean I am jealous so maybe we couldn't share, or maybe you could just do stuff with him and just not tell me and never do it around me. I don't know." 

"That's not really a solution is it?" Youngjo said with a sigh, "You can't even think about that idea so how is that really going to fix anything and it isn't fair to him to be some sort of secret side guy." 

"Harin, Yonghoon and Hyungu do it, I heard Dongmyeong telling Dongju about it - and about their plans for the pack." Hwanwoong flushed. 

"It's different, I think they're all together. You have no interest in Seoho and Seoho only dates alphas." Youngjo sighed. "I told you I had chosen you Hwanwoong, you don't need to worry about if I would be happier with Seoho." Youngjo looked at his hands. "We need to talk about the pregnancy thing." 

"There isn't much to say." Hwanwoong said and Youngjo sighed when he could feel the smaller man shutting down within their bond. 

"I was honest with you." 

"I've explained it before." 

"I know, but I want you to explain it again." Youngjo said gently, as if he was trying to coax the other out of his shell. 

"I don't want to be pregnant. I _can't_ " Hwanwoong said looking down at the floor. "I've always felt this way ever since I was young. I always wanted to be a beta so then this would never be an issue. I would never be expected or asked to carry children and there would never be an alpha who was just 'following his instincts' to make me have a pup"

"I would never _make_ you do anything Hwanwoong." Youngjo said, making sure to keep his pheromones in check, he didn't want to influence the other man in any way during this conversation. He just wanted to understand. Seoho was right, he needed to understand what was happening with Hwanwoong, he needed to find a way to preserve the pack. 

"Okay." Hwanwoong said. "Anyway, I just always felt uncomfortable around pregnant omega's. I knew it could never be me and when I presented-" He shifted, he was anxious and all of Youngjo's instincts wanted to hold him tight and promise him that no one would ever make him do something he didn't want. "I _begged_ my mom to take me to a doctor to make sure I could never get pregnant. She refused, she told me that I would probably change my mind as I got older, when I met my mate. But she was wrong, as I got older it got worse. It makes me uncomfortable to even think about it. I can't get pregnant." 

"Okay." Youngjo said softly. 

"I know it's stupid but I feel like if I get pregnant I'll die." 

"You wouldn't die Hwanwoong, I wouldn't let anything happen." Youngjo said warmly, he should have known the other was serious about this, Youngjo mentally kicked himself for not picking up on just how significant the distress that this topic caused for Hwanwoong was. "You're small, they would never let you deliver naturally as a male omega who is as petite as you are." 

"That doesn't make me feel better Youngjo." Hwanwoong said, eyes meeting Youngjo's finally. "We are not getting pregnant. I don't care if you're going to have the best doctors, if I'm going to be on bed rest the whole time, if I am going to have a c-section. I am _not_ getting pregnant. Ever." 

"Right." 

"And if you have a problem with that then you should just sever our bond, because I will not change my mind." 

"100%?" 

"I'm 100% sure Youngjo, I will never change my mind on this issue. I am never going to wake up and change my mind. I am not going to get pregnant. I am not going to deliver a little baby you. I know it is important to your family, and probably you, but I can't do it and I will not do it." 

Youngjo nodded, "I need time to think about it." He said quietly. Hwanwoong nodded and got up to go to the door. "Don't go Woong, I just need time but please... I don't want to go back to us sleeping in separate rooms and leaving when the other walks in. I just- I don't know how I feel about our future but I want to hold you still." 

Hwanwoong turned and moved to sit on Youngjo, wrapping his arms around him. Youngjo mouthed at the bite, their bond mark and pressed gentle kisses to it. "I'm sorry Youngjo." Hwanwoong said softly. "I'm sorry I can't give you pups." 

"I'm sorry you felt you couldn't tell me." Youngjo said softly against the others skin. He wasn't sure what the future was going to hold for them, but he never wanted Hwanwoong to feel like he couldn't tell him things, he just didn't know if this was going to be something he could work with in the long run. Youngjo had always imagined having a house of kids, and even with Seoho he was working on plans for what they could do to have that. "I'm sorry we've been fighting so much." 

"I hate fighting with you." Hwanwoong admitted, both of them just holding each other, taking in each other in their bond. It was not going to be easy, but Youngjo hoped they would be able to make it work.


	7. Wait for me to come home - Seoho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, Kudos and of course hits are greatly appreciated. I am forever thankful that anyone would even read my work, and I do reply to all comments.

Seoho was surprised when Hwanwoong came into his room, they were preparing to move so things were packed up. "Can I talk to you?" 

"We are talking Hwanwoong." 

"I know. But I was being polite." Hwanwoong said getting into Seoho's bed and lying back on it, Seoho moved to join him, both of them looking up at the ceiling. "Are you going to put the photos of you and Youngjo back up in your place with Keonhee?" 

"No. Probably not." Seoho said with a sigh, "I will keep the pictures, but it's time I let him go." Seoho said softly, "plus he has you, and I would never want to make it hard for you both. I know you fought a lot about me." Seoho said. "Youngjo can be kind of stubborn." 

"I think he's going to sever." Hwanwoong said not looking at him. "I should have rejected him before I got rejection sickness." 

"Hwanwoong." He said, looking at him. "What are you talking about, you two aren't fighting as much since you came back from your parents." 

"We're both pretending that our argument is over." Hwanwoong said softly. "I think our breaking point is children." 

"Because you don't want to get pregnant?" Seoho raised a brow. "I mean, we were never going to have a kid the 'normal' way. But if you say Dongju and Geonhak aren't having a baby the normal way Dongju might stab you." Seoho gave Hwanwoong a smile, "and you could always use a surrogate or something if he's hung up on his genes." 

"I wish I could swap with Dongju, and give him my body that probably works." 

"I know it seems ridiculous, but I was speaking to Dongju the other day and he told me that he feels good about adopting. He said he felt like it was what he was meant to do. What's going on with you is not much different to what happened with Dongju, you cannot have children. It's painful for both of you but it is what it is. Jo is just... I don't understand why he is being like this." 

"I guess he thought I would want to give him all of that."

"He should talk to Geonhak about it, it's different but only just." Seoho sighed, "Youngjo has always wanted kids. When we were together there was no doubt that one day we would have had children one way or another. Youngjo found it hard at first to reconcile that he liked alphas, same-secondary gender attraction isn't that common, and it can be hard for people to accept. I am same-secondary gender attracted and it's hard, even now. Everything about you literally tells you that you're wrong, that your life will be empty."

"I'm sorry." 

"Why? My life isn't empty. I had years with Youngjo and I'm sure I'll meet someone else who will make my heart sing, who hopefully won't leave me for a tiny omega." Seoho tried to keep his tone playful. "So you two absolutely cannot sever" 

"Do you sense alpha's like I do?" Hwanwoong said, hand resting on his stomach as he looked up at the ceiling. "Maybe you can sense it better." 

"I sense them probably like you do. I can block alphas too. I just can't really feel you. Or Dongju, like I know you're around, but I can't really tell your feelings unless they're in the extreme, and with Dongmyeong I was unable to sense that he was pregnant with Seri, I mean he was also showing but you know what I mean. It meant that I was unable to sense who her parent was, which is how that situation ended up like that." 

"Alpha's suck." Hwanwoong sighed, "you know I can't even fucking hate Youngjo. He's my mate and I really want to hate him. I do." 

"I feel that one. I went through a phase where I wanted to hate you both so much - but I couldn't do it, you're my pack, my family, even if everything that happened went the way it did." Seoho sighed, "look if he's hurting you like this, you need to just tell him. Just tell him that you can't keep going on like this and you need to clear the air about the whole kids thing. I mean just tell him you can have children in literally any other way that isn't you getting pregnant." Seoho rolled his eyes. "it's really not that hard so I don't understand why he's being such an asshole about it." 

"You and me both." Hwanwoong said and Seoho watched you. "You know I really thought he was going to say something gross and disgusting like having the need to see me swollen with his pups or some fucked up misogynistic thing that alpha's used to say." 

"Youngjo isn't that guy. Also if anyone ever said that to anyone now, I hope the omega would leave the alpha because that's just grim." Seoho crinkled his nose. "Honestly alphas are fucking weird, and there isn't one person who's ever met you who would ever reduce you to just being an omega. You're so much more. You're essentially our pack leader." 

"Well I'm just helping my mate." 

"You say that but, with Dongju - you understood his problems, his pain that I could feel but couldn't understand and you explained it to us. When he was lashing out at us. He was in so much pain but all we could feel and see was his anger. You could see that pain and without you I'm not sure how well any of us would have handled that. Geonhak was unable to handle it and you were the entire reason any of us knew not to fight back." Seoho shifted. "And if any of us had fought back too hard, Geonhak would have gotten involved and we could have lost the whole pack. You understood Dongju in a way that I don't even think Dongmyeong did." Seoho felt bad for Dongju, for the damage that his fertility problems had caused him. He couldn't see the scars, but they all knew they were there. Seoho wasn't sure that it was the kind of thing someone could heal from. "He's doing better now, but I still worry about him." 

"I think he's going to be okay, he just felt like if he didn't have children he'd failed as an omega, but with their adoption, it wont take away all that pain but that little one is going to help him heal in ways that he won't even be ready for. Their child is going to be so very loved. I can feel their bond is already open, their bond knows there is going to be a child, their child - as if Dongju was pregnant. I'm sure he's even feeling the nesting urges that come when the bond is that opened." Hwanwoong smiled, "I think their child is going to be very lucky, Dongju is also currently reading literally anything he can find about how to help adoptive children bond and adjust to being home. He is very committed to helping their child live the best life they can." 

"Some people were put on this early to be parents and Dongju is one of them." 

"Geonhak is too." Hwanwoong smiled at Seoho. "I think it's why their entire journey to this point has been hard for them. I can't imagine knowing I was here to do something and being unable to do it because my body couldn't cooperate." Seoho nodded. "Do you really not feel attraction to omegas?" 

"Bit of a conversation change isn't it?" Seoho laughed. 

"No, well yes - but I was just thinking that you'd probably be a good parent too." Hwanwoong said with a shrug. "You're understanding and you put others before yourself." 

"If you're asking about Dongmyeong, I can appreciate that the man is pretty but I did not have sex with him because I found him attractive. I didn't want to date him, I didn't want to be his mate - which is partly why it turned out the way it did. I knew he would never want more from me than that one night and I'd never slept with an omega so I just wanted to understand what it was exactly that I was supposed to be craving." 

"So you're not..." 

"Woong, what does it matter?"

"I am just trying to understand." 

"Look Hwanwoong, I don't know what you want me to say, I like alphas and everyone tells me that that desire is wrong. I thought I'd met the man I was meant to be with for the rest of my life but he found his mate - and then I found out he still had the ring." Seoho debated on if he should tell Hwanwoong, "You know he asked me if I wanted to see the ring?" 

"And what did you say?" 

"No." Seoho said sadly. "I mean why would I want to see a ring a man bought for me when he loved me, that just sounds like a unique form of torture." 

"If you want to know it's a very beautiful ring." Hwanwoong sighed, "Youngjo is holding onto it still, I can't help but think it means something." 

"I would offer to talk to him, but I can assure you that it would not help." Seoho sighed, "look I told him if it was you then he needed to let go of me." 

"Would you take him back?" Hwanwoong said quietly. 

"Hwanwoong." Seoho said quietly. Saved from answering by a knock on the door, "Come in." Seoho called, he knew it was Youngjo and he knew Hwanwoong was probably giving off a distressed sense down their bond. Seoho looked at his ex and just shrugged, "what is it?" 

"Just checking everything is okay in here." Youngjo looked awkward and Seoho just nodded. "And we need to pack up our room Woong." 

"I was just checking something with Seoho." Hwanwoong said before climbing over him to get out of the bed. 

"You should finish up too, Acorn." 

"You shouldn't call me that." Seoho said and Hwanwoong hesitated at the door. Seoho was aware that Youngjo didn't use a nickname with Hwanwoong, and Acorn wasn't anything crazy like _baby boy_ it was still a nickname given to him when they were together. 

"Noted." Youngjo said, not reacting to him.

\- ☆ - 

Seoho was unpacking in him and Keonhee's place, he couldn't help but smile at the beta as they made a coffee on their fancy coffee machine. "Do I get to meet Yunho?" Seoho asked, taking a sip of his coffee and thanking the coffee gods for this divine machine.

"I never told anyone his name." Keonhee said defensively. 

"Please calm it down, Hyejin told me. She did think it was weird he set me and her up and I had no idea who he was." Seoho bit his cheek. "She told me that you're his boyfriend." 

"It's not like that." 

"It's not like that to you." 

"I don't date." Keonhee said putting his coffee down. "You of all people should understand why." 

"Oh no, trust me, I get it. What your ex did to you - was worse than what Youngjo did to me and it still hurts every day even when I pretend it doesn't." 

"He mated someone and still kept dating me on the side. Do you know how embarrassing that was for me? I'd just joined our pack and I was _so_ fucking stupid." 

"You were in love." 

"I was stupid Seoho. I was so fucking stupid to think that I could ever be happy with someone like that." Keonhee sighed. "Of course he'd have mated your coworker so I got to be publicly embarrassed" 

"No one blamed you." Seoho said with candor. "I promise you Keonhee, no one thought any differently of you. Geonhak was going to rip the alpha's dick off." 

"I would have loved to see that." 

"Well Jo thought it was more prudent for the pack to act like it hadn't happened and just focus on you." 

"Well no one is ever going to hurt me like that again." Keonhee sighed, "I'm not like you, I can't just hold out hope that the next one won't be the same. No one dates a beta for life." 

"Hyungu and Yonghoon are engaged." 

"And Hyungu is also having sex with Harin!" Keonhee raised his voice. "And I'm sorry but I'm not going to just accept that I'm not enough for someone." 

"Yunho thinks you're dating Keonhee. Maybe you should tell him about this." 

"Why don't you date him if you're the expert on how to handle alpha's screwing you over?" 

"Keonhee, I'm just saying, not every alpha is trash, I can't promise Yunho won't hurt you but I just think you should be upfront with him about what is going on - and I can see that you like him." 

"And what if I do?" 

"Then I want you to be happy Keonhee. Not all of us get to be bitter over our ex choosing a pack mate for the rest of our lives. At least one of us has to be happy and it's not going to be me, is it?" 

"I thought you and Hyejin-" 

"She told me I wasn't ready to date after Youngjo, I needed to get over him before she'd ever consider me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find my twitter [here](https://twitter.com/KK_Moonbeam) if you wanna chat or anything~


	8. If you have to leave, leave only beautiful memories - Hwanwoong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise things are going to be more cheerful for at least a bit~ I have plans and they're happy plans I p r o m i s e. 
> 
> Thank you for readings, comments, kudos and hits are much appreciated and I reply to every comment, even if it's a bit late <3

Hwanwoong stood in their new place. He hadn't seen them begore they moved but he knew that Youngjo had chosen the three houses with pack expansion in mind. Hwanwoong checked the upstairs, he liked the master bedroom - Youngjo had already set them up a very nice bed. He began to get to work on the boxes, unboxing their things, most of it was clothing to start with and he put it away in their wardrobes. He sighed when at the bottom of one of the boxes he found the engagement ring that Youngjo had gotten for Seoho. He opened the box and stared at the ring. "I can explain." Hwanwoong looked up and saw Youngjo, shutting the box. 

"You don't have to." Hwanwoong said putting the ring on the floor next to him. 

"I'm selling it, but I need to keep it safe until it's sold." 

"Okay, cool." Hwanwoong said before he gave in. "Moving is just stressful, and we agreed that I would stop." 

"You're allowed to feel how you feel about my ex." 

"I love Seoho. He's our pack. You just happen to have been in love with him for years before you met me - and even though we kind of talked about it, we never _talk_ about it. Like, why do you call him acorn?" 

"He's like a squirrel." Youngjo said coming to sit next to Hwanwoong. "The name stuck." 

"How did you come out?" 

"I broke down to my parents, and they were not happy about it, one of Seoho's parents is a beta so they blamed that for why Seoho is 'perverse'. They actually told him that he'd tricked me, they promised me that they would never accept us together. So for a while I slept with Geonhak in his parents place. I love my parents, but they were just scared. Scared that things would be difficult for me while I was with Seoho. I mean they liked Seoho when they thought we were just friends and Seoho's parents were so accepting and just so loving. He never had to tell them that he liked other alphas, he just brought me home once and was like 'Hi this is my boyfriend.'" 

"So you two made your own pack?" 

"Yes, as soon as we could we established a pack, originally it was just me, him and Geonhak and then Geonhak met Dongju and they fell so deeply in love, and then they met Keonhee and brought you guys into the pack." 

"And I ruined it all." 

"You didn't ruin anything." Youngjo said softly, pressing a soft kiss to Hwanwoong's cheek. "You're my mate, and I do wish we hadn't hurt Seoho, but I love you." 

"Our house has three empty bedrooms." 

"So does Dongju and Geonhak's and Keonhee and Seoho have two."

"Dongju and Geonhak are adopting soon, and we all know they are not stopping at one baby." 

"What are you saying Hwanwoong?" 

"I'm saying we need to talk about kids." Hwanwoong sighed, he closed his eyes, then took a breath and looked at his mate again. "I know you want kids. Okay? I know its important to you, and we're both pretending that our conversation to stop our fighting has fixed everything but kids... kids are still an issue." 

"I don't know what you want me to say Hwanwoong. I'm willing to wait." 

"I'm _never_ going to change my mind on pregnancy. I will never get pregnant. I want to look into permanent solutions. I want to have it all removed." Hwanwoong sighed, "But our society is so fucked up, I've been trying to get it done since I was 18 and they won't do it, saying I'm too young, saying I'll change my mind and now I need the permission from my alpha."

"I will sign anything you need for it." Youngjo said and Hwanwoong was surprised that the alpha wasn't going to try to change his mind. "You have tokophobia and if it will make you feel better and safer then I will sign whatever it takes, I'll go with you to any appointment, I can even try to get you a good referral. I think Dongheon or Baekhyun can do that kind of surgery." Hwanwoong felt relieved, he wrapped his arms around the other man, shifting to straddle the man and kiss him hard, he was just so surprised and so happy about it. "I think we need to do whatever it takes to make you feel comfortable." Youngjo took a slow breath. "I have thought about it - and I'm sorry we didn't talk about it earlier."

Hwanwoong tensed a little at the other's words. "You have?" 

"Yes. It's selfish of me to want you to change your mind, and I would _never_ put you in a situation where you were uncomfortable." Youngjo spoke gently, kissing Hwanwoong softly. "Don't look like that, I'm saying, would you be open to a surrogate, using both of our DNA, I still want our babies, I just-" 

"Would I have to be around the pregnant surrogate?" 

"Woong-" 

"No. I get uncomfortable... it's hard for me to see pregnant omegas."

"Woong." Youngjo said slowly and Hwanwoong moved to get off him. "I don't know what you want me to suggest. Are you saying no to kids entirely?" 

"What if I was?"

"Then you should have never let me destroy my relationship with Seoho." Youngjo said flatly and that stung. Hwanwoong did want kids, he thought anyway, but he had wanted to find out what the other man really thought. "You know kids are important to me." 

"Well if Seoho was an omega he'd have given you all the litters of pups. Sorry I'm not your fucking acorn." Hwanwoong got up and left, slamming the door. He didn't care that this fight didn't make sense. He didn't care that he was over reacting. He just wanted to be away from Youngjo. He stopped outside their door and took a few breaths, calming himself down, realising he needed to go back and apologise. He couldn't run away from every conversation about kids. He'd left his keys, so he had to awkwardly knock on the door. 

Youngjo answered and raised a brow. "You have a key."

"I forgot it." 

"Okay." Youngjo moved so Hwanwoong could come back in. "So you don't want kids?" 

"No. I want kids. I think. Maybe. I just don't want to get pregnant and I dont think I can be around pregnancy and its too much and you're overwhelming me. And every time I think we're going to be okay you come up with new ways to remind me that I'm not enough. That I'm not Seoho. And I'm sorry. Really. I'm sorry you two weren't mates but I can't help not being him. I cant help that I'm me. I'm small and I'm an omega and I'm not willing to get pregnant and I'm sorry." Hwanwoong burst into tears, "I'm sorry I took you from him. I didn't ask for this. I'm sorry." Youngjo had him in his arms and Hwanwoong let it all come out. He felt overwhelmed, everything was too much. They had their whole lives ahead of them to have children and he wasn't sure if he could ever be comfortable around a surrogate and he was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to be there for delivery. He felt Youngjo guiding him to the sofa which they had thankfully set up. 

It must have been hard for Youngjo, who's instinct was to hold those who were crying, to just let Hwanwoong self soothe but Hwanwoong hated being held when he was like this. Youngjo was his mate so was acting in the way the perfect alpha would and just sitting on the floor, hand resting on Hwanwoong's knee. "Woong, please calm down." Hwanwoong could feel Youngjo trying to use his pheromones to calm him down. 

"Please don't use your alpha skills." Hwanwoong breathed between sobs, and Youngjo stopped instantly, Hwanwoong could feel the other staring at him. Hwanwoong began to calm down and Youngjo just so gently rubbed over his knee. 

"Hwanwoong, I'm sorry that you have been feeling overwhelmed and I contribute to that." Youngjo was gentle, coaxing Hwanwoong back into their conversation. "But I have _never_ compared you to Seoho. You're you, you're different and you're fucking amazing. You're my mate, and without you our pack would never navigate half of our issues." 

"But without children I'm not enough." Hwanwoong said quietly. 

"Woong." He said softly. "You _are_ enough-"

"Don't say things because I'm upset. Truthfully if we never have children you will never forgive me. You will always see those other rooms in our house and know that I'm the reason why and you will resent me. We're mates so I am trapped. On one hand I love being yours, I love you so much. But on the other, I can't bear the thought of being pregnant or being around pregnancy and can see how I am going to make you unhappy in the future." 

Youngjo eyed him. "Hwanwoong. Kids are important to me. If you are unable to go through the surrogacy process we can always look at adoption. But, these are conversations that we can have later on. I just need to know that we're on that path. I would never want to bring a child into our bond until we get our bond stable." 

"I want to have a family with you, Youngjo. I just don't know when I will be ready to start having kids or how I will manage it other than I will not be carrying any children."

"I understand Woong. I'm sorry you have felt this pressure."

"Before we met were you and Seoho going to have children?" He watched Youngjo hesitate. "So yes."

"We hadn't decided if it was adoption or surrogacy for us, but we had decided that when Dongju fell pregnant that we would take that step too."

"Seoho is ready for children right now." Hwanwoong said quietly, he wanted to leave again, but he fought that urge, running away would be like telling Youngjo to go to Seoho. 

"Stop comparing yourself to him." Youngjo was trying to keep the stress down. "I love you, my mate." 

"How can I not when he's everything you want in mate except he's an alpha." 

"He's my ex." 

"And you still love him." 

"I love you Hwanwoong." Youngjo sighed, "We keep coming back to this point, and I don't understand why. I love you, and I chose you and sure the kids thing isn't ideal but we can work it out. Maybe we could get a dog? Maybe when Dongju and Geonhak bring their little one home it will help us decide how we want to go about having children of our own. We can wait for a while, I want you to be comfortable, I want you to be happy Hwanwoong. I just don't know how to do that right now." Youngjo moved to take Hwanwoong's hand. "Tell me how to make you happy and I will do it." 

"I just want us to be happy." Hwanwoong said slowly. "I feel sometimes like I'm losing you to Seoho, I can feel you missing him and missing your love. You had this huge love story with him and I can never-" 

"Woong. I don't, I want what I have now." Youngjo gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "Woong, please, I don't want Seoho."

"It's okay if you do." 

"Hwanwoong." 

"I can see how much he misses you too." Hwanwoong shifted, "and if you two wanted-" 

"Stop Hwanwoong." Youngjo sighed. "Do you want me to want Seoho?" 

"I want you to be with whoever makes you happiest!"

\- ☆ - 

Hwanwoong realistically couldn't be surprised when he went to see Keonhee and Seoho was sat in the kitchen, work shirt unbuttoned. Hwanwoong could see how Youngjo was attracted to him - "Um is Keonhee here?" Hwanwoong said quietly.

Seoho looked up and shook his head. "He spent the night with Yunho. Do you need him?" 

"Just to get out of the house." 

"What did he do now?" Seoho said moving to kick out a chair to invite Hwanwoong to sit. "Do you want a drink?" 

"No... I'm good. I'm just... not sure" 

"Not sure? It's Saturday morning, you should be having lazy morning sex with your alpha." 

"Youngjo isn't awake." 

"Well I can't give you lazy morning sex." Seoho said with a shrug. 

"I don't want lazy morning sex. I just want to, how do you get through to him?" 

"Youngjo can be stubborn. He's a pack leader so sometimes I think he forgets that he needs to compromise." 

"We had another fight." Hwanwoong said softly. "Which just ended in me crying and him asking me how he can make me happy." 

"What would you like him to do?" Seoho said taking a drink. "I mean if you just tell him and he doesn't do it then he can'r blame anyone but himself." 

"I want him to do what makes him happy. If that's to be with you I just want him to do that." 

"Woong." 

"You still love him and he's told me he still loves you." 

"Hwanwoong, please." Seoho said softly. "I can't hear this. It hurts too much to think like this."

"I thought moving would help us, but all it really means is that I'm in a house with three empty bedrooms to remind Youngjo of the babies I'm not giving him." Hwanwoong sighed leaning his head on the table, Seoho just watched him and nodded. 

"He told me about your conversation... argument... kind of." 

"He told you?" 

"Mhm and Geonhak, we have an alpha chat... he was trying to work out what it is he needed to do to make you feel safer in the bond - so I was about as much use as a chocolate teapot on that one but I think Geonhak is going out with him for lunch today to discuss looking after omegas or something." Seoho shrugged. 

"They're also going to discuss Youngjo's song that's up for a break through award." Hwanwoong shifted. "It's the one he wrote about you." 

"I know Geonhak gave me a heads up." He sighed, "I haven't heard it... Does this award mean he can focus on music full time and not just when he's not at the hospital?" 

"Depends on what opportunities come from it." Hwanwoong sighed. "The song is beautiful.... if you wanted to know." 

"I'm sure." Seoho sighed, "But I'm not going to listen to it." 

"Would you get back together with him?" 

"That's a loaded question." Seoho observed looking at Hwanwoong. "A question I will not answer. I respect you and him and that's all that matters. I want you two to be happy and I just think if you two can get back on the same page it will be okay." 

"We need to fix it before Dongju and Geonhak finalise an adoption, we cannot bring a child into the pack like this." Hwanwoong sighed. "Can you tell me how to love him right?" 

"He wants to love you, he wants to make you happy - you both just need to find out what that looks like for you." Seoho shifted slightly. "You know me and him weren't perfect, you seem to think we had an amazing relationship, and sure we did - and I really did think he was going to be my partner for the rest of my life, but we had problems too." Seoho shifted slightly. "There is a lot of self hatred that happens when you're an alpha who finds yourself in a relationship with another alpha. The first time we had sex and he knotted me, which was an accident and was... I mean I don't know what it's like for you, but I won't lie it hurts a bit for an alpha, but after he freaked out - hilarious as we were literally fucking stuck together. We both had crises about what who we were meant for us, we made our own pack because people struggle to accept us as two alphas. We hurt each other a lot, without meaning to, I took him to my office christmas party and introduced him as my pack alpha because I was afraid of what they'd think of me if I told them the truth." Hwanwoong had never heard this, no one ever talked about the stress that this must have put on the pack - or on them themselves. "We both had to learn to accept ourselves and that was a learning curve." 

"I didn't know you guys went through all of that." 

"It wasn't easy for us to be together, and I'm happy - I promise, for you two but part of Youngjo is built from that pain. The pain of being rejected by his family because he loved me. He feels a lot of pressure to be the ideal son, to be the perfect pack leader, to make up for... me." 

"Seoho-" 

"It's okay, it's just how it is but the damage was done to him and I can't tell you how to fix what loving me damaged." Seoho looked at his drink. "I can't even help myself deal with it." 

"How are you doing?" Hwanwoong said, looking at Seoho a little more closely. 

"Well I went out last night and don't have a hangover so I guess pretty great. Downside, I kissed a really cute alpha in the club and when we got back to theirs, I freaked out and was just like 'yeah so I can't...' and left. I just embarrassed myself." Seoho shrugged. 

"So all of us are a mess." 

"I think Geonhak and Dongju at least partially have it together." 

"Yeah they're doing good. Dongju... he's my version of Youngjo having an alpha chat, and I'm trying not to bother him because I know he has preparation for the adoption stuff to do and me and Youngjo is really small compared to them having their first child."

"He doesn't mind." Seoho said quietly and Hwanwoong nodded, he understood more about Seoho the more he spoke to him. He could see why Youngjo loved him, Seoho was a true pack alpha, Hwanwoong could feel the way that Seoho was protective of the pack's omegas, and he was sure that Seoho also felt that protective urge to Keonhee. "Omegas sometimes know the best ways to comfort each other. Plus his twin did not have the easiest time with his mate bond so Dongju can probably see from an outside point of view."

\- ☆ - 

Hwanwoong went back to their house and sighed, he could sense Youngjo, knowing the other was still in their bed. He walked up into the bedroom and stood in the doorway, watching the man who was sat in bed reading, until he put the book down to look at him. "I assumed you were going to spend the day with Keonhee."

"He wasn't there, I just spoke with Seoho for a bit." Hwanwoong said shifting to get into the bed. "He helps me organise my thoughts some times and it's nice to have someone who understands you helping me try to navigate where we are." 

"Yeah? How did it go?"Youngjo shifted to look at Hwanwoong and the omega just lent up to kiss him gently. 

"Well... I guess, he explained some things, and it just helps me understand who you are." Hwanwoong sighed. "I think our only way forward is just to be honest, so I'm going to be honest now." Hwanwoong watched as Youngjo nodded. "I think when we're older and our bond is more stable, I will want children with you. I don't feel ready for children now and I don't think our bond is ready either. I will never want to carry those children, but I will agree to _trying_ surrogacy in the future. I might need some extra support in terms of being around pregnancy and I might never be ready to watch a child being born but I can promise you that I will try. I think Dongju and Geonhak having a child will help me work out my feelings towards children and fatherhood a little bit more, I think I want it but I might know for sure seeing them doing it. I think if we can work on our bond a bit, maybe we should get a dog, I know it's not a child but I think it will help us, looking after a living thing together is good practice - plus dogs are cute." Hwanwoong took a slow breath, he had cleared the easy bit first and Youngjo was just watching him. "Finally, I know you're still in love with Seoho, and I know he loves you still. I have accepted this but if you ever feel like we were a mistake, I want you to tell me, as soon as you think that, because I do not want to be that guy who thinks everything is fine and then walks in to find you fucking him in our bed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find my twitter [here](https://twitter.com/KK_Moonbeam) if you wanna chat or anything~


	9. Made for Two - Youngjo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise good times are coming - Youngjo just has a mind of his own. 
> 
> Thank you for reading, comments, kudos and hits are much appreciated and I reply to every comment, even if it's a bit late <3

Youngjo eyed his partner. "Hwanwoong." 

"No, we need to be honest with each other." Hwanwoong said softly. "I know you love him - and I understand you have a lot of history with him but Seoho..." Hwanwoong shifted on the bed and Youngjo watched him trying to work out where this conversation was going. "He loves our pack so much and maybe because he doesn't have that attraction of omega's he feels very protective of our packs omegas. You've seen him with Dongju - there is a reason Dongju always asked him to drive him to work when he was fighting with Geonhak and it's hurting him because his nature is telling him to protect me but then his feelings for you are in direct conflict with that. We need to sort this out. The only way is to be honest. I love you and I know it's hard for you and him and me and the pack but if we don't work it out before Dongju and Geonhak's adoption is finalised there could be issues in that child's assimilation into the pack, they have been raised without a pack bond and have spent time without a parental bond so we need to make the pack as stable as possible to give their child the easiest transition." 

Youngjo nodded, he did agree, and their bond had been tense for a while. "I don't know how to fix it Hwanwoong, and I've tried but I just can't seem to." 

"I know part of this is me. I do know that I am part of the problem, but we need to fix this. I want to fix this." Hwanwoong said softly. He moved to take Youngjo's hand and gave it a small squeeze. "You need to forgive yourself for what happened with Seoho. All of it. He has forgiven you already and we need to work everything out. I want us to be happy Youngjo. I just don't know what that is going to look like for us." Hwanwoong sighed. "You're my mate, but if we weren't mates you would still be with him, and that is something that I need to deal with. But you, Youngjo, sometimes I think you need to find a way to close that chapter off."

\- ☆ - 

Youngjo was sat in a cafe with Geonhak, just staring at his panini. Geonhak hadn't even touched his own, and Youngjo knew that Geonhak was trying to word everything right. "Youngjo, hyung, I love you - we've been packmates since I was born and I have always looked up to you. When you decided to make a pack with you and Seoho at the head I followed you because I trusted you and I believe in you as a pack leader. Then I met Dongju and you helped me navigate bringing him into the pack and helped us solidify our bond at the start, you have been there for me during our fertility journey and I have always followed your lead." Youngjo knew Geonhak was trying to start with the positives. "But, Youngjo - I'm not being funny but what are you doing? You have an omega who loves you and you just keep hurting him, I don't understand what is so difficult. You left Seoho for Hwanwoong so why are you not treating Woong better? You made a choice but now you seem hesitant." 

"There are things I did not know about before." 

"Kids? You have never told me to sever with Dongju and we have been unable to conceive." Geonhak bit his lip. "But that thing you said to him-" 

"I would never look down on anyone for not being able to conceive naturally." Youngjo sighed. "I was angry and Hwanwoong was pushing me and Dongju came in to defend Hwanwoong and I just, I said it because I knew it would get him to back off." 

"I said it then and I will say it again, if you _ever_ speak to my mate like that again, we will be leaving this pack. I will not put him in a position where he is being made to feel like there is something wrong with him because of our struggles to get pregnant. It almost destroyed us and I will never let his pain ever get that bad again." 

"I have spoken to him about it, I am sorry about what I said, I did not mean it and all I have ever wanted for you two is for you guys to have the family you have always wanted." 

"The way I see it Youngjo, you have three choices, first - you change nothing and continue hurting everyone until Hwanwoong eventually gets sick of it and leaves you. Second - you work out whats going on in your head and work with Hwanwoong to make your bond stronger and make him feel as safe in your bond as you can. And Lastly you could sever and try to get Seoho back." 

"How do I make the bond stronger - we just keep fighting." 

"You have to find something that helps you connect with each other. Dongju and I make time to focus on each other and our relationship - not just the therapy, but we go on dates - although at the moment most of our dates involve Dongju looking for things for Daekyu..." 

"You've only had a few meetings with him." Youngjo warned. 

"I know, we know, but the way they're talking about it, they think we have a chance of getting him home soon. He was 18months when we met him and Dongju is getting anxious as he approaches 20 to 21 months that we need to get things ready for him so we can celebrate his birthday. Every time we get closer to having him home Dongju worries that we don't have anything ready so if they said you can have him next week, we aren't ready for it." Geonhak smiled a little, "Our next meeting is the same day as Seri's birthday, so that is going to be something."

\- ☆ - 

Youngjo got back to his house and opened the door, he could feel Hwanwoong, Hwanwoong was in the kitchen, music playing as he baked. Youngjo couldn't help himself, wrapping an arm around Hwanwoong's waist, pressing a kiss to the bite mark on Hwanwoong's neck. "Smells good, what are you making?" 

"I'm just making Yakgwa, it's my mom's recipie." He said with a grin, Youngjo kept his arms around Hwanwoong. "I thought I could make them for all of us, we're having dinner at ours tonight right?" Hwanwoong said with a gentle smile, Youngjo unable to stop himself kissing Hwanwoong. "You have a good talk with Geonhak?"

"Yeah. We talked about my song but also he gave me some good advice on how I can make you happier." Youngjo said softly. 

"What would make me happier is for you to be happier." Hwanwoong sighed. "I want you to know who you want. I would like it to be me, because we're mates and I know how badly it hurts to sever, an omega in the pack Keonhee and I came from was severed-" 

"Geonhak's brother was severed with and it was awful." 

"I would be able to handle it, if Seoho was who you really wanted to be with." Hwanwoong said softly. "Sometimes I feel like you are only with me because of us being mates - and I don't want to live my life being just a mate. I want you to love me because I'm me, not because you feel obligated to." Hwanwoong spoke gently even though the worse he was saying must hurt. 

"Hwanwoong." Youngjo said softly, his arms were tight around Hwanwoong. "I don't know what you want me to say. I can't say that if we weren't mates that we would be together. I don't know how that would have all happened if something was different. I want to be true to you, I gave you my word that it was you and it _is_ you, but Seoho - he was my first love and things are just a complicated. I want you." 

"Do you want him as well?" 

"Hwanwoong." 

"That's not an answer Youngjo." 

"I've made my choice Hwanwoong." 

"It doesn't always feel like it." 

"I chose you. I chose you and I have this home with you, I'm trying to fix our relationship but I don't know exactly what you want from me." 

"I want you to be with me in the moment and not thinking about him. I want to understand. Seoho told me that you both have had a rough time since you were teenagers, and I love you but you have never opened up about your pain." 

"And what about you, you've never spoken about your pain either. I don't know where your tokophobia comes from, I don't know why you didn't want a mate before you met me. I don't know anything about your pain and you want to know about my damage. The damage which is nothing now. Who cares about what happened when I dating another alpha, no one looks at me now and sees that man." 

"I care." Hwanwoong said softly. "I think sometimes you put all this pressure on us to be perfect, the perfect alpha and omega who get together and have pups as soon as they have their first time together, and we aren't that. We aren't perfect and that's okay. I'm me and you're you, and what we are might not be perfect but it is what it is." 

"Woong." 

"I understand that your parents were very upset when you brought home Seoho and they liked me more than him - I understand that they will be angry to find out about us not being able to have kids." Hwanwoong sighed. "I am sorry about that but-" 

"No one wants you to change Hwanwoong. I just... I am sorry that things have been so hard." Youngjo didn't take his arms off Hwanwoong, insisting on making him feel safe. "I know how it must feel bad for you, to think that I am only with you because of our biology, but I want to be with you." Youngjo tried to take an even breath, "I know my reaction to our conversations about children have not been ideal for you-" 

"You told me that I should have not let your destroy your relationship with Seoho because I wasn't sure I could be around a surrogate." 

"I didn't mean it like that, you said you weren't ever interested in children."

"I said what if I wasn't." 

"Yes, okay, but that is the point. You have always known that children are important to me." 

"Would you be okay if we had to adopt?" Hwanwoong said softly. 

"Yes. Adoption is valid, and maybe adoption is our way too." Youngjo took a slow breath. "I think we should wait to strengthen our bond before we discuss children again - we have a lot of work to do on our bond before we decide to have a family."

\- ☆ - 

Pack dinner was nice, Youngjo liked the idea of having the whole pack with him. He couldn't help but feel happy when he could see how happy Dongju and Geonhak were - how far they had come since they were in therapy and since they had started the adoption process. Dongju was cuddled into Geonhak, the food was eaten and everyone was just hanging out. Keonhee was his usual playful self, Seoho even seemed cheerful. Hwanwoong shifted to cuddle against him and Youngjo couldn't help but look over to see if Seoho was uncomfortable. Seoho was too busy debating with Geonhak which baseball team was going to win in the match that evening. Youngjo pressed a soft kiss to the top of Hwanwoong's head, keeping him close. Geonhak's eyes flickered to them and Youngjo wondered if Geonhak thought he'd made the wrong call. 

Hwanwoong excused himself first, he wanted to take a shower before work, and while there was a part of Youngjo that wanted to join him - he also wanted to see everyone off. Dongju and Geonhak left and when Keonhee left it was just Seoho and Youngjo. Youngjo took a small breath, cleaning away all the glasses. "Please Jo, keep him happy." Seoho said softly, handing him a glass. "I don't think he can take much more." 

"I'm working on it." Youngjo said eyeing Seoho. 

"We should both forget and heal from our relationship." Seoho gave him a forced smile. "I know it's something that is hurting you and Woong, but I am trying to get over us." 

"You told me to do this." 

"I told you, that if you wanted him you were free to leave me. I released you from a promise that you made me. I never told you to mate him, I never told you to do this. But you chose to do this, and you need to stand behind your choice Youngjo, otherwise you hurt us for nothing." 

"Seoho-" 

"I'm not saying this to hurt you. I'm just saying he is unsure because you're hesitant, if you wanted me, you had the chance, no one made you chose this life. You chose your omega, and he's so good Youngjo, he's such a good pack leader. He compliments your style completely, and he's so understanding - he was so very good with Dongju and he is the kind of support you need as a pack leader." Seoho looked at Youngjo. "Please Jo, he's so good for you and for the pack - I don't want us to have these conversations over and over again. We're exes now." 

"But I just-" 

"You chose him, whether it was because he was your chance to finally be accepted and you took it, or you really did want him more than me, you have made your bed Youngjo and you can't set it on fire and not expect it to burn." Seoho took a slow breath. "Anyway, he'll be done in the shower soon, please just look after him." Seoho turned to leave and Youngjo went up the stairs to find Hwanwoong after he locked the door.

He smiled when he saw Hwanwoong in bed already, sat up and scrolling through his phone. "I have work early tomorrow, would you like to go on a date?"

"Hmm?" 

"Do you want to go on a date tomorrow? Like dinner and a movie?" 

"Okay, I am free in the evening." 

"Perfect." Youngjo got undressed to get into bed. "I am going to work on making sure you feel safe in our bond again Hwanwoong." 

"Just be honest with me, no matter what's going on in your mind."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find my twitter [here](https://twitter.com/KK_Moonbeam) if you wanna chat or anything~


	10. No More Barriers - Keonhee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, Kudos and of course hits are greatly appreciated. I am forever thankful that anyone would even read my work, and I do reply to all comments. I promise happier times are coming. I promise <3

Keonhee was woken up in the early hours by what sounded like all the pans falling out of the cupboard. He got up, leaving Yunho in the bed, somehow he managed to bring home the deepest sleeper in the world. He was sure it was Seoho but it could always just be a burglar, he got down and found Seoho sat on the kitchen floor, looking a little worse for wear, a glass smashed next to him. Keonhee went to grab the first aid kit and the dustpan and brush cleaning up the glass before, taking Seoho's hand and beginning to clean it. "I've not seen you get this drunk before." Keonhee remarked and Seoho just nodded. 

"I needed to be." Seoho mumbled, "Is Yunho here, I can feel another alpha." 

"Mhm, I can ask him to leave if you need." 

"It's 3am, you can't kick your boyfriend out." 

"He's not-" Keonhee sighed, "and I can, if my pack needs me to." He gently bandaged Seoho's hand. 

"I had sex." Seoho blurted out. "Sex with another alpha." He might be drunk but he was still clarifying his point. 

"I did assume you meant with an alpha. Did they... hurt you?" 

"No." Seoho said quietly. "But they were the third person I've ever had sex with, if you count Dongmyeong, which I don't really." Seoho moved to brush under his eyes and Keonhee he sighed, he'd never seen this side of Seoho, sure he was drunk but Seoho never showed how much he was hurting and Keonhee couldn't believe he'd been so naive to think Seoho was doing okay. "I never thought I'd sleep with another alpha." Seoho was wiping under his eyes faster. 

"I know it's hard." Keonhee said softly. "I had the same kind of feeling - I know, but it will get better Seoho." 

"But what if it doesn't?" Seoho was properly crying now. "It's been over a year and it still hurts like it did the day he chose Hwanwoong." Seoho covered his face and cried into his hands. Keonhee watched him. He couldn't believe how much pain Seoho was in, sure they all knew he was hurt and they'd all listened to his heartbroken playlist for months on end after the break up but this pain, Keonhee felt like he could literally see Seoho's heart in pieces on the floor where the glass had been. "It felt like I was cheating on him." Seoho said between sobs. 

"Seoho." Keonhee shifted onto his knees and moved over to Seoho, wrapping his arms around the man. "Seoho, you weren't. You don't have to feel guilty about sleeping with anyone you want, you're single and you're allowed to sleep with as many or as few alphas as you like." Keonhee held him close and Seoho began sobbing, Keonhee had never seen the man crying so hard. Honestly, Keonhee had never really seen Seoho express his pain like this. It put Keonhee in a tough position, he empathised, he too had been hurt by someone he believed loved him and would never hurt him but on the other hand he was Hwanwoong's best friends since they were born. They'd grown up in the pack together and Keonhee had slept in Hwanwoong's bed after he presented and had his first heat, when Hwanwoong had cried every night asking why he couldn't have been born a beta. 

"I miss him so much." Seoho said between his heartbreaking sobs and Keonhee didn't know how long he could hold Seoho and see this pain without it making him cry too. "I love him and I know I shouldn't." Keonhee rubbed his back trying to calm him down gently. "I thought I would be enough for him, but I should have known, I should have known I was never going to be enough, that he was always going to break my heart like this." Keonhee just needed Seoho to calm down, it was overwhelming to see how much pain the alpha was in - the amount that he had been hiding from them all. "Sometimes it feels like I really might die Keonhee." Seoho said as he quietened down his sobs. "When I see them together, it's like someone has fatally wounded me but it is just a slow death, and every second it's harder to breathe but I can't tell anyone because this pack is my family and I don't want to be packless. You're my family." 

Keonhee felt his own heart break. Seoho was enduring all of this pain for the pack, he was doing this for them, to keep the pack together. Keonhee knew that if they lost Seoho, both of the omega's in the pack would struggle, Seoho was a vital part of the pack supporting everyone, he was always the impartial alpha who mediated within the couples. Without Seoho Keonhee wasn't sure that Geonhak and Dongju would have made it through their fertility struggles and he knew for certain that Hwanwoong and Youngjo would have severed. Seoho held the pack together in a subtle way, he wasn't the pack leader but he was the support system for the pack. 

"You're our family Seoho." Keonhee held him tighter. "We all just want you to be happy. We want you to find the person you're meant to be with. There's plenty more fish in the sea right." 

"But I want one specific fish." Seoho said tears making his voice slick with sadness. "I had to get drunk to have sex with an alpha." 

"Seoho." 

"I mean not drunk but I'd been drinking a bit, for courage, and they were really cute and we fucked in their car and they were nice and it felt good but then... after." 

"I know." Keonhee said softly. 

"They told me they don't normal fuck alphas but they knew what they were doing." Seoho said softly. "I got to be someone's shame fuck, while they probably go home to a fucking omega or beta." Seoho sighed, "So then I did like.... 9 more shots? and then gave up." 

"Hey, don't do that to yourself. It isn't up to you what he does when he's not with you." Keonhee rubbed Seoho's back gently, smiling a little to himself as he felt the other calming down. Seoho eventually drifted off, both of them on the kitchen floor. Keonhee looked up when Yunho came down to stand in the door way. 

"He's in so much pain Keonhee." Yunho said gently, looking at them. "This is the guy we set up with Hyejin?" Keonhee nodded. "She told me he was not over his ex, but she didn't tell me he was in this much pain." 

"No one knew." Keonhee said, his cheeks flushing in shame. They should have known he was in this much pain. "He hid it from us." 

"A lot of alphas don't want to seem weak." 

"It's not that... his ex, is our pack leader and he has been protecting us all because he didn't want any of us to feel strain on the pack and one of our couples is adopting, it's all been for us - that he's held all of this on the inside." 

"I'll go, he needs his pack to-" Yunho paused when there was a knock on the door before it opened and Dongju walked through into the kitchen, a rather sleepy Geonhak behind him. It appeared that Dongju didn't even register Yunho's presence. 

"What happened?" Dongju asked, reaching out to stroke Seoho's hair. "I've never felt him this distressed before." 

"He got drunk and when he came home he just... everything he'd been holding in about Youngjo it all just came out and I tried to calm him down." Keonhee explained and Dongju just nodded. 

"Geonhak and you in the doorway can you carry him up to his bed? Keonhee, me and you are going to sleep next to him, it's not ideal - we can't mend his broken heart, but it will help him, letting him feel the love of our pack bond." Geonhak had already moved and Yunho followed suit, Keonhee looked at Dongju. 

"We're going to comfort him like omegas?" 

"No. Well yes. But no. It's the same but slightly different. It works on alpha's too - especially those who aren't mated, and as Seoho can't sense omegas to mate them, it will work for him. You and I are going to lie in the bed with our arms around him and then we all just sleep together, you won't even have to focus, our bond naturally understands, it's why he was able to calm down enough to fall asleep on you, our pack bond knew what he needed from us." 

"What about Geonhak?"

"What about him?" 

"He's just going to be okay with you sleeping cuddling another alpha?" 

"He's our pack... plus Geonhak trusts me and Seoho and he can feel the distress too, honestly I'm surprised Youngjo and Hwanwoong- although I guess they'd know it was about them." 

"Would it be better if Hwanwoong was here?" 

"It would help strengthen the bond when we held him - but if he's hurting about Youngjo, I.. I don't know if it's a good idea." They went up and found that Yunho and Geonhak had put Seoho in his bed and taken his jeans off. Dongju just moved naturally to cuddle into Seoho, resting his head against Seoho's chest and holding him tight. Keonhee looked at Geonhak who's eyes were on Dongju. 

"Do you want to stay in one of our guest rooms?" 

"Yes." Geonhak said softly. "I'm sorry- our bond thinks he's pregnant, with Daekyu starting to assimilate into the bond. I just am struggling with the protective instincts it's bringing out." 

"That's okay. We get it, wait til you bring him home and you're gonna have two of them you want to protect." 

"I'd already do anything for either of them." Geonhak sighed, still watching the pair. "I just am worried, this pain Seoho is in... it puts us in a difficult position. We love all three of them, but Dongju is very attached to Seoho. And Seoho has always looked out for Dongju, he's always protected him when I couldn't. Youngjo is our pack leader, and I grew up with him and we love him too, but I don't think Dongju would feel settled in a pack without Seoho." 

"It won't come to that, Seoho told me he doesn't want to leave the pack because we're his family." 

"But if he's hurting this much, how much more can he take?" Geonhak mused, Keonhee took him to the spare room on his way back smiled to see Yunho still there. 

"I'm going to get going now, you have to look after Seoho." Yunho said gently pulling Keonhee for a kiss. "I do wish I'd met parts of your pack in better circumstances." 

"Text me when you get home." Keonhee said softly. After Yunho left, he went to get a glass of water for when Seoho woke up and his phone, he opened to see 15 messages from Hwanwoong. 

**Woong:** Is Seoho okay?  
 **Woong:** Keonhee... can you go check on him please.   
**Woong:** Keonhee, I'm really starting to get worried.   
**Woong:** Keonhee - he's so distressed please tell me he's okay.   
**Woong:** I'm coming over.   
**Woong:** I probably shouldn't come over...  
 **Woong:** Is this my fault?   
**Woong:** I never wanted anyone to hurt like this...   
**Woong:** Keonhee, please I need to know he's okay.   
**Woong:** I am so sorry he's in this much pain.   
**Woong:** Please tell me you're with him.   
**Woong:** Dongju just texted to say he's going over with Geonhak... do you need me?   
**Woong:** Keonhee please text me back   
**Woong:** He feels less distressed so I guess you've calmed him down.   
**Woong:** Please don't hate me. I never wanted this. 

**Keonhee:** Sorry I was looking after Seoho. I'll explain it to you tomorrow, it's not your fault. Dongju isn't sure if it would help having you here, but me and him are going to sleep holding him tonight. If you want you can come over and join us... I'm sure he'll appreciate all of us. 

It didn't take long for Hwanwoong to come over, coming up to the room, and just getting into the bed, slipping in behind Keonhee and just holding him, Keonhee shut his eyes, Dongju was already asleep and had been right, Keonhee could feel the love flowing through their pack connection. Just as Keonhee was starting to drift off he heard Hwanwoong. "I'm really sorry Seoho. I never wanted to hurt anyone."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find my twitter [here](https://twitter.com/KK_Moonbeam) if you wanna chat or anything~


	11. The Memories of You Holding Me, Makes it difficult - Seoho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, comments, kudos and hits are much appreciated and I reply to every comment, even if it's a bit late <3 I will be reply to the comments from the last chapter when I get back from work today, I just wanted to get this up~

Seoho woke slowly, he had a headache and knew that he'd made a mistake getting so drunk, but then he realised he wasn't alone in his bed. He took a slow breath, trying to work out who exactly he'd brought into his bed. He was pretty sure he'd had sex with the other alpha in his car and his bed smelled like him, and the rest of the pack, but mostly Dongju. He opened his eyes properly and looked down to see Dongju, arms around him. "Dongju?" He said quietly. 

"You're awake~" Dongju smiled. "Keonhee is downstairs with Woong and Geonhak, they're making breakfast." 

"Oh everyone's here." 

"Of course we are." Dongju said softly. "You've always been there for us and Keonhee told us what happened last night, and I'm really sorry. I didn't know how much you have been hurting and I'm really sorry, but we're a pack and if you aren't feeling good, we're always going to be here for you." Dongju shifted slightly, "We decided to comfort you last night with out pack bond and Geonhak slept here because he's feeling extra protective." 

"It's understandable, you're getting close to being able to bring your little one home." 

"I want to show you him." Dongju said biting his lip. "I mean a photo, obviously, but other than Dongmyeong and Giwook, we've not shown anyone because we've been scared of him rejecting us, but we can both feel him in our bond, he's very weak in there but he's getting stronger and braver in our bond every day. It was kind of why we were late to Seri's party, I could feel my son and I felt overwhelmed with the idea of going to my niece birthday, it reminded me how I had missed my son's." 

"I understand, it's hard to be apart from the boy when you know he's meant to be here with our pack." Seoho smiled and Dongju moved to reach for his phone on the bedside table, before opening it and then tapping a few times on the screen before handing the phone to Seoho. "That is Daekyu, your nephew." Seoho looked at the photo of the toddler, his smile lighting up the screen and he could already feel Dongju's love for the boy. 

"He's gorgeous." 

"We knew the second we saw him that he was meant to be ours, and he's starting to accept us." Dongju had moved to sit up and Seoho joined him. "We have been scared he would reject us, but now we can feel him, I think we're getting so much closer to him actually being mine. I want him in my arms, right now." 

"I'm really happy you found your little one." Seoho smiled,handing Dongju back the phone. "I can't wait for you to bring him home." 

"Yeah, about that, we're going to focussing on our bond when we bring him home, so at least for a few weeks it will just be me and Geonhak, then we're going to allow Dongmyeong and Youngjo because Dongmyeong is his uncle and Youngjo is our pack leader." Seoho nodded, it made sense. 

"It could be a month or more until I meet him?" Dongju nodded, "I know your son will be worth that wait Dongju, you know all of us in the pack think that. It's different to you giving birth where we could all come over to give you a hand, you need to focus on your bond and do what's best for your son." 

"Without you, I don't think there would be an adoption for me to get protective over." Dongju said honestly. "Without you driving me to work and talking to me sometimes when I needed to calm down, or that time you walked in when I thought I was pregnant but had gotten four negative tests and I was completely broken... honestly Seoho without you I don't think I could have ever been strong enough to let Geonhak help me endure the pain of being unable to conceive. I got properly diagnosed a few weeks ago, but we've not told anyone. I'm medically classed as infertile, so I was the reason we were not getting pregnant." 

"I'm really sorry." Seoho said quietly. 

"Well you're the first person I said it out loud to. I made Geonhak tell Dongmyeong and Giwook, but we decided to keep our diagnosis quiet." Seoho couldn't help but smile at the way Dongju said _our_ , he really had come a long way from the omega who was hurting and lashing out at everyone. "I mean I could get pregnant but it's literally never going to happen, it would be a miracle, there are so few eggs." 

"If my parents managed to do it twice, that has to count for something." 

"I don't think it will happen for us, and you know, I've accepted that. We're adopting and we can adopt again, once we've gotten Dae settled and started our life as a family. I'm worried about issues Daekyu might have." Dongju pouted a little. "I love him so much. He has speech delay which can be common in kids like him... he was taken from birth. My baby has spent nearly two years in the shared home, he's never had a parental bond so we aren't sure how he's going to feel about it. We also have no idea how he's going to feel about the pack, or about Seri and he can't tell us." 

"Dongju, you're going to be amazing parents. He's going to feel secure with you, it might take time but you will make it." 

"Wanna tell me about the guy you slept with?" 

"Did Keonhee tell you everything?" 

"Well he told me the basics, and I could feel the pain.... but I'm glad you told him, even though you were drunk. I am sorry that we didn't see everything you were holding back before." Dongju gave him a small but sad smile. "So wanna tell me about this alpha? I'll send Geonhak to beat him up if he hurt you." 

"It was my first time with an alpha who wasn't Youngjo and it made me feel different than I thought. He didn't hurt me... I mean I wasn't expecting him to want to marry me, we hooked up in his car." 

"You know, Keonhee, gets what you're going through Seoho. So I do understand that you might not want to tell me about your pain because I have a mate and everything, but please tell one of us. Don't hide it because you are scared of losing us. We love you. We want you to be happy and maybe Keonhee and his boyfriend can help... do you think he thought I was rude because I didn't introduce myself?" 

"You didn't?" 

"Not really." Dongju laughed, "I literally called him you by the door. But better than how I think he met you, sleeping on his boyfriend." 

"Keonhee doesn't like that word." 

"Because he has been hurt before." Dongju said softly, "but he seemed good - I mean nice, he helped Geonhak carry you up here."

\- ☆ - 

Seoho went down and while he hated that his whole pack knew he'd cried until he fell asleep the night prior they were all sat at the table in the kitchen with waffles and pancakes and fruits and it looked amazing. "Glad you guys finally joined us, we were just talking about how unfair it was that Keonhee kicked his boyfriend out at 3am to cuddle another alpha." Geonhak said, moving his chair out so Dongju could sit in his lap. 

"He's not my boyfriend, we're just... friends." 

"He didn't look at you like friends do." Geonhak teased and Seoho sat down pulling a few pancakes onto his plate. "I like him, I mean we talked a bit when we took Seoho upstairs." 

"Well we're just friends. I'm not even sure-" 

"Sometimes he brings me dinner too when he comes over to see Keonhee." Seoho said with a grin. 

"He does, but that's because he feels bad that we take up the downstairs when we hang out - you could join us." 

"I am not going to join you and your friend you have sex with." Seoho shook his head. "I spend all my time with couples. Dongju is literally sitting on Geonhak as we talk, being sickeningly adorable." 

Dongju laughed, pressing a kiss to Geonhak's cheek in an excessive display of affection. "We are very adorable." Dongju grinned. "Sorry I can't help it. Would you rather we went back to before?" 

"Oh no, none of us can take you two arguing again." Keonhee laughed. Seoho noticed that Hwanwoong was quiet. He made the resolve that he wanted to talk to him. Knowing that what had happened the night before affected Hwanwoong too. 

"Hwanwoong, can we talk?" Seoho asked softly and he could feel everyone looking at him. "I mean you're just pushing your food around the plate and I don't want you to be uncomfortable in this house, Keonhee is your best friend and you're in the pack so you belong here." Hwanwoong just nodded and Seoho moved to take him into a different room, both of them sitting awkwardly on the sofa. "Last night. It wasn't about you." 

"I know but it was about my mate." Hwanwoong said quietly. "I never wanted anyone to get hurt, when I came into the pack and when I felt the pull to my mate - I didn't want him. I have never wanted a mate, and honestly finding a mate who had a boyfriend felt ideal at the time. He wouldn't want me and I could remain independent." Hwanwoong sighed. "No one would question why I hadn't gotten pregnant, no one would expect these things from me. It suited me fine. But then I got rejection sickness - I knew it was that, but I tried to hide it. The only person I told was Keonhee and I thought he wouldn't tell anyone and then Dongju found out and we are a pack so he just wanted to take the pain away and it got to Youngjo. I never wanted him to chose me." Hwanwoong looked at his hands. 

"Woong." 

"It would be a lie to say I didn't find him attractive, of course I do - he's gorgeous and I love him. But I didn't want everything that would come with being his mate. I love you, you're pack, my family and I never wanted to take your boyfriend from you. I never wanted you to get hurt and I thought that I could handle the rejection sickness." Hwanwoong looked like he was going to burst into tears. "But I was suffering so badly, Dongju was literally lying with me in bed all day trying to coax me into eating or drinking but it felt like I was dying. Dongju didn't let any of the alphas into the room, not even Geonhak knew how sick I was, because I thought all I had to do was get through a few more days." Seoho didn't know about this, he remembered the discussions about Hwanwoong being sick, he remembered how worried Keonhee was and he remembered Geonhak and Keonhee discussing if Hwanwoong had been sick for too many days, if he was going to need to be hospitalised.

"Hwanwoong." 

"No, let me finish." Hwanwoong said quietly. "I don't know how the conversation went, but I remember the day Youngjo came into my room. Dongju had told me that the sickness should have passed, and he was going to call the doctor. But you let him come to me." Hwanwoong just kept his eyes down. "I never thanked you for that. I just- I never wanted you to get hurt and I assumed that it was okay because he'd come and I didn't think of how much it would hurt and then we've had ups and downs this year and I knew you were hurt - but last night, I could feel the depth of your pain in our pack bond. I could feel how you tore your heart out for me and what am I supposed to do knowing that? Knowing that you are enduring this pain because of me." 

"It was the right thing to do." 

"Not if it put you in that much pain Seoho." 

"I'm okay." 

"Don't lie to me. I felt it Seoho." 

"I can't stop feeling hurt. I have been in love with him since we were teenagers. I thought he was going to be my forever, but he wasn't and in the end I just want him to be happy. I just want you to be happy. I know the last thing you want to hear is that your mates ex boyfriend is still in love with him, but I am. I want to move on, really Hwanwoong - no one wants to be that ex who can't move on but I saw our future together." Seoho sighed, "and maybe pretending it doesn't hurt wasn't the best choice but it's not like I could just tell you that I still loved him and seeing you two together hurts. Because I dont want to make it harder than it already is for you two. I let him make a choice and he picked you, please be happy together. He chose you but I am just having a hard time moving on. But I will." 

"I'm really sorry." Hwanwoong said quietly and handed Seoho a tissue, the older hadn't even realised he was crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find my twitter [here](https://twitter.com/KK_Moonbeam) if you wanna chat or anything~


	12. I can't hold you like he did - Hwanwoong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, comments, kudos and hits are much appreciated and I reply to every comment, even if it's a bit late <3

Seoho tried to stop his tears and truly Hwanwoong felt his own heart breaking looking at his friend. He wasn't lying when he said that he loved Seoho, and that they were family. All he wanted was for Seoho to be happy and he wanted him to find the person he was meant to be with. Seoho took a shaky breath, "I hate causing a scene like this." 

"Seoho you aren't. We want to be there for you and we want you to be able to tell us if something wrong or if you're in pain. If there is anything I can do that will help." 

"Your bite is high." Seoho mumbled, "So I mean you can't hide it" Hwanwoong self consciously covered his bite. "I am okay, you know, knowing that you're together, of course you two share the bite." 

"I hate that it's called sharing. I'm the one who got bitten." Hwanwoong knew now was not the time. "I mean I get to share the bond but still." Hwanwoong took a breath, now was not the time to gripe about the bite. "I wish he'd bitten me lower so it could be easier for you. I just want you to be happy." 

"I want you two to be happy." Seoho said quietly. "I love you both, and I will move on from him, but for now it still hurts me, knowing the man I love is in love with someone else. I had my whole life planned out, I had everything planned and he just pulled the rug from under me and I've been avoiding facing it all. I thought I was saving the pack by not facing my pain but really I was just saving myself from feeling it." 

"Will you tell me how it happened?" Hwanwoong said softly. "How you... let him go?" 

"Hwanwoong, it was the right thing to do. You were sick and I knew it was bad and we... Youngjo was suffering." Seoho sighed and Hwanwoong knew that the other man didn't want to talk about it, but he felt like it would help them both. "I just knew that I had to let him go and let him make the decision of what he wanted to do. I love him so I literally set him free and then got absolutely hammered, smashed a glass and cried over him over a year later." Seoho sighed. 

"Seoho." Hwanwoong said quietly. 

"I told him that if he wanted you, that I would always support you both. That it would never affect how I felt about the pack and about you as my pack, you will always be my family." Seoho looked at Hwanwoong, "It hurts so much, knowing the man I love, who I thought was the love of my life is with you. It is so painful to know he will start his family with you and that he will grow old by your side. But if I was given the chance to change what happened, I wouldn't. I would always let him go to you, if that is what he wanted." 

"I know it's not what you want to hear but I know he misses you." Hwanwoong sighed, "I love him so much, but I can see him sometimes, and he's not quite mine. He's not over you fully either."

"I have told him he needs to let me go so he can make you feel safe in your bond." 

"We're doing better." Hwanwoong wasn't sure if Seoho wanted to hear it. "I know it is hard for you when we're fighting and you sometimes have to help me." 

"I don't mind helping you two understand each other - I know him pretty well." Seoho laughed a little. 

"I'm sorry that I've hurt you." Hwanwoong said softly. "I'm really sorry that you felt you had to hide your pain. Please don't hide it from us in the future. " Hwanwoong gave him a small smile. "We're family and we'll support you."

"Thank you."

"And Keonhee understands exactly what you're going through. He might be able to help you the most." Hwanwoong smiled a little, "and you might be able to help him not completely ruin this chance with Yunho." 

"I mean if Yunho understands him then it will be okay." Seoho said with a warmth that made Hwanwoong know that everything was going to be okay, that Seoho was going to look after Keonhee and he knew that Keonhee was going to look after Seoho and he was going to do what he could to stop Seoho suffering too much. "Yunho understands what it's like for people like me and Keonhee... He knows how much damage someone doing what his ex did can do." Seoho sighed. "At least Youngjo broke up with me before he mated you." 

"I wish we'd been pack when it happened... He could have done with someone like you to support him." 

"Geonhak would have killed him." Seoho said softly. 

"I think you would have too." Hwanwoong said with a small smile. "I know how protective you are of us."

\- ☆ - 

Hwanwoong had barely gotten back to their place when Youngjo came down the stairs. "How is he?"

"Can't you feel him? He's in pain but it's not as bad." 

"No. I can't feel him." Youngjo said shortly and Hwanwoong sighed. 

"What do you mean?" 

"I mean I cannot feel him." 

"So last night?" 

"I could only feel his pain through everyone else in the packs pain." 

"But how?" 

"What do you mean Hwanwoong?" 

"How, How can he do it? He's an alpha and you're not mated and Keonhee could never block us and Geonhak can't block you either from the pack bond. How can he do that?" Hwanwoong stared at Youngjo. "I don't... understand." 

"I don't know how he can do it, but he can. He has blocked me since the day I chose you." 

"Did you bond with him?" 

"We're both alpha's Hwanwoong." Youngjo sighed, "How would I bond him to me?" 

"I don't know but if he can block you then maybe-" 

"Just tell me he's okay." Youngjo looked exhausted. 

"He's going to be okay Youngjo." Hwanwoong moved to hold his alpha. "He's going to be fine, it might take some time but he'll be okay." Hwanwoong felt the man relax into his hold. "I'm sorry, I know it's hard for you too." Hwanwoong pulled Youngjo for a gentle kiss. "I love you, and we're all going to make it through this." Hwanwoong held the alpha close, he knew they were both scenting, seeking comfort in each other. "He'll stop blocking you when he's ready."

"I understand why he would want to block me. As long as he's okay."

\- ☆ - 

Hwanwoong sat in the cafe, he was waiting for Yunho, he shifted awkwardly, it felt weird to meet another alpha especially without telling Youngjo. But he didn't want Youngjo knowing what was on his mind. Yunho arrived in a big jumper that made him look like the gave the comfiest hugs, and Hwanwoong could just imagine Keonhee in the others arms. "Hi."

"Hi, I was surprised you messaged me." 

"Well I kinda made Keonhee give me your number. We were packmates since we were born." He said with a shrug. 

"Are you here to threaten me?" 

"... No... If I was going to do that I would have brought Dongju." 

"The omega who's boyfriend carried Seoho up the stairs by himself despite him telling us both to carry him?" 

"Yes." Hwanwoong shrugged, "Dongju usually gets what he wants and if you hurt Keonhee, I'm sure what he will want is Geonhak to sort you out." 

"Good to know, well you can rest easy. I think everyone knows that he is the one who will hurt me rather than the other way around." Yunho sighed. "But I assume you aren't here to talk about how I call him my boyfriend and I know he tells you we're just friends." 

Hwanwoong paused, he knew that it was that way for Keonhee, but he hadn't know Yunho was aware of it. "I- he doesn't trust alpha's but I know he really likes you." 

"Thanks... What is it you wanted to talk about?" 

"Well, so you know the night with Seoho?" Yunho nodded. "Well, Youngjo, my mate and Seoho's ex is our pack leader and he told me that he didn't feel Seoho that night, that he hasn't felt him since they broke up. I started researching it, but then got kind of distracted, there is about to be a baby in our pack, so we have been celebrating and helping Dongju and Geonhak and I am also not telling Seoho or Youngjo that I'm looking into it." 

"Hwanwoong... what are you talking about?" 

"Can alphas bond each other?" 

"You think your mate is bonded to Seoho?" 

"I am aware I sound like I have a wild imagination. But Seoho shouldn't be able to block Youngjo." 

"How long were they together?" 

"At least 6 years." 

"Do you know if they would bite each other during ruts or just generally in sex?" 

"I'm going to be honest Yunho, neither of them want to tell me what their sex life was like." Hwanwoong sighed. "But is it possible?" 

"Yes." Yunho said quietly. "It's very rare Hwanwoong, it's really not likely. I only know of one alpha/alpha couple who are bonded. It happened without them knowing when they transitioned into a starting a new pack." 

"They were together when Youngjo started the pack." 

"Hwanwoong, I really don't think it's very likely." 

"But there is a chance?" 

"Sure, but what are you going to do Hwanwoong - if they are bonded." Hwanwoong paused, trying to think. "It will be a severing - it will be painful for them, both of them, but worse for the person severed with. If they are bonded it clearly doesn't interfere with your mate bond, so what is the damage with it? I mean you knew asking me that I would feel this way about it being two alpha's bonded. If they have bonded it's rare, and then maybe there is a reason for it? Or perhaps not. I am not an expert - but I can ask around."

\- ☆ - 

Hwanwoong didn't know where to go, he couldn't tell Youngjo, or Seoho or even Keonhee. Geonhak and Dongju were getting ready for their adoption. Hwanwoong got in his car and drove to Dongmyeong's. He'd known Dongmyeong before he had even met the pack, he knocked on the door and was surprised when Dongmyeong answered the door in ripped jeans and an oversized sweatshirt. He looked comfy, Dongmyeong had always been style over comfort, but it seemed like being a dad was showing him that comfort can be stylish too. Dongmyeong eyed Hwanwoong. "Oh am I far enough post partum for you to remember you had a friend in a different pack?" He raised a brow and Hwanwoong guessed he deserved it.

"Dongmyeong be nice." Giwook poked his head into the hallway, coming out with the one year old in his arms. "Plus he did come to our baby shower, and her birthday and our other events." Giwook pressed a quick kiss to Dongmyeong's cheek. "I'm gonna go up sort out Seri." 

"I am sorry... It was hard when you were pregnant and then with everything going on recently I've just lost track of everything." 

"It's okay. I should have brought her over to see you sometimes... I've been visiting Dongju more recently, with the adoption coming soon, he has been finding it easier to be around Seri and I want them to have a strong bond." Dongmyeong was more relaxed than Hwanwoong had ever seen him. "Are you okay?" 

"Kind of." Hwanwoong said softly. Dongmyeong brought him in to a living room that had a few toys strewn all over it. 

"I know it's a bit late for Giwook to be getting her dressed but sometimes on the weekends we have more of a lazy day, and let her play for a bit in her pyjamas, during the week we're usually pretty rushed in the morning, getting her fed and dressed and ready to spend time with Yonghoon usually, so we were just-" 

"Dongmyeong, you don't have to explain your parenting to me. I know you work and I know weekends are family time, I also know she's growing up well with you two. She's so happy." 

"Giwook will bring her down when he's done, but he could be some time, picking whatever leopard print outfit he wants to dress her in. We're having dinner at his parents, where they will remind me that she's over one now, the perfect time to think about siblings." He rolled his eyes. "I had one baby and now everyone thinks I'm Dongju and want to have a little sports team." 

"A sports team of you and Giwook would be cute." 

"Don't." Dongmyeong laughed. "Our baby girl is enough. I love my job, and I love my family and I still remember how awful being pregnant was so I don't really want to do it again. I mean, I think we will have another one, but just not now." 

"Look at you, all domestic." 

"I know, what happened to me and you never settling down and doing the family thing." Dongmyeong laughed. They'd met in a dance class and become fast friends. "Ugh, I never finished that pole fitness class I was really into. I'm not exactly sexy now." Dongmyeong laughed, "Seri ruined my perfect body." He must've sensed that Giwook was near because the alpha came in carrying the girl in a rather cute leopard print dress and matching hair band. 

"Please Dongmyeong you're gorgeous." Giwook gave Dongmyeong a quick kiss. "You can fix her hair before we go. Do you want me to leave?" Dongmyeong looked at Hwanwoong. 

"This can't get back to my pack." Hwanwoong said quietly and Giwook took that as he could stay, so he put Seri down so she could play and sat next to Dongmyeong. Dongmyeong shifted and lent against Giwook and it made Hwanwoong miss Youngjo more. "Please don't tell Dongju or Geonhak."

"I won't unless I have to, like if you're going to tell me Geonhak is planning on painting their house minion yellow, I have to tell him." Dongmyeong said, though his tone was warm. 

"I think Seoho and Youngjo are bonded." 

"But they're both alphas." 

"It's rare but it can happen." 

"But what does it mean?" Giwook interjected. 

"I don't know. But surely if it's rare... doesn't that mean they're supposed to be together and I'm just a giant ball of ruin." 

"You're Youngjo's mate." Dongmyeong said firmly, "Speaking as someone who spent far too long resisting his mate. Mate bonds are there for a reason, you're meant to be Youngjo's omega." Dongmyeong pressed the softest kiss to Giwook's cheek. Hwanwoong couldn't help but notice the similarities between the twins when it came to showing their love to their partners. 

"But we don't make sense, he wants kids and I'm me." 

"I never wanted a whole domestic family thing, but this is compromise I guess. You two could adopt, I know it's very fulfilling for Dongju, or you could find another way. You two just need to find you middle ground. Just like I let Giwook dress our daughter up in all the leopard print he wants, providing he makes me french toast on Saturday mornings." Dongmyeong cuddled closer into his alpha, eyes moving to watch his daughter playing. "I love what I have now Hwanwoong, and when everything falls into place you will know this feeling." 

"You're literally with your true mate, and I think my regular mate is bonded to another alpha." 

"He might be." Dongmyeong offered a smile. "But it's not for certain."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find my twitter [here](https://twitter.com/KK_Moonbeam) if you wanna chat or anything~


	13. The Secrets We Keep - Youngjo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, comments, kudos and hits are much appreciated and I reply to every comment, even if it's a bit late <3

Youngjo was pretty sure Hwanwoong was hiding something from him. Keonhee would never tell him, Dongju would honour the omega code, Geonhak would never go against Dongju, so that left the one person he'd been almost avoiding since the night everyone sort of pretended hadn't happened. Youngjo was the pack leader so it was up to him to sort everything out. He went round, knowing Keonhee was out, Seoho answered the door and looked at him. "Ah. I knew this was coming." Seoho said before stepping back. "Come in." 

"I want to talk to you." 

"I guessed." Seoho took Youngjo into his small living room and took a seat on the sofa. "You should have done this earlier - Dongju is going to kick off if we upset the bond now he's settling Daekyu." 

"We're not going to fight Seoho." 

"That doesn't mean we're not going to hurt each other Youngjo." Seoho said quietly. "What did Hwanwoong tell you?" 

"He told me that you were suffering, that it was because of me and that he was worried about you." 

"I slept with someone else." Youngjo wished that didn't still sting. "Don't look at me like that Youngjo, you've been sleeping with someone else for a while." Seoho tried to joke. 

"You can sleep with whoever you want, I just didn't think you were into casual sex." 

"Well I don't exactly have people I can date and then sleep with do I, Youngjo? I just wanted to get laid so I did." Seoho paused as if he was trying to work out how much he should say. "Okay, I'm just going to say it. I slept with another alpha and it felt like I was cheating on you, which is stupid right, you have a mate and I'm just the ex who can't move on." Seoho sighed "I got drunk-" 

"If they did anything to you-" 

"I got drunk after we fucked Youngjo, I was just tipsy when we fucked." Seoho shifted, they were not at the point post breakup where they could talk about things like this. "I love you still... and sometimes I think you might feel the same." Seoho looked away from Youngjo. "But I know you don't, I know you have Hwanwoong, and I want you to be happy. That was our deal remember, you pick whoever you would be happier with." 

"It wasn't as simple as that." 

"Well we all know Hwanwoong was the better choice for your parents." 

"It wasn't like that." Youngjo sighed, "I had to make a choice but I couldn't shut my feelings off-" 

"The last thing I need right now is you telling me you still loved me after we broke up." Seoho sighed, "You have a mate Youngjo. Let's not cross a line you can't uncross." Seoho still didn't look at him. "I understand that when you made the choice you made, all the emotions were high and that you were making the best choice for you and I respect that - I accept that. But, I can't help feeling hurt still." 

"I am sorry." Youngjo said quietly. "It was the hardest choice I ever made. I didn't just-" 

"No, I know and we really don't need to go back over it. I remember the day my whole world fell apart." Seoho shifted, "I want you to know that I'm not angry with you or Hwanwoong. I just am still hurting, I'm working on it and nights like that one... it won't happen again." 

"If it does, then it does Seoho. You're our pack, and you're allowed to have feelings even if it's difficult for me and Hwanwoong. I am never going to tell you to stop feeling." Youngjo sighed. "I know that I have made a mess of this, that none of this is ideal - I am trying to fix it, to keep our pack as stable as possible for everyone, especially for Daekyu who had just joined our pack." 

"Can you feel how happy they are?" Seoho said softly. "I have missed how Dongju felt in our pack bond when he was happy." 

"I know, it's been so long since they've both been this happy." 

"I can't wait til we get to meet him." 

"I know, me too." Youngjo smiled. "He's our packs first baby." 

"How's Hwanwoong taking it?" 

"He's okay. His issues are with pregnancy so the addition of a child to our pack bond isn't something that upsets him - although he is worried about meeting Daekyu and what happens if Daekyu doesn't like him." 

"He's our pack, he's going to love him." Seoho said with a grin, it was a lot easier for them to talk about anything but themselves and their past. "Especially with how relaxed Dongju and Geonhak's bond is now they've gotten him home, it will be easy for Daekyu to love us." 

"Do you talk to Hwanwoong a lot?" 

"This is a random change." Seoho said, eyeing Youngjo carefully. "I mean not as often as Keonhee, but sure we talk." 

"I think he's hiding something from me." 

"Okay..." 

"He's been acting weird since the night where he came over for you and then he's gone out a few times and told me lies about where he's going. He isn't aware he's obvious when he's lying." Youngjo took a small breath. "I don't know if he's cheating, or is he pregnant and trying to do something about it-" 

"Woah, okay you jumped right into those theories Youngjo. Firstly, if he was cheating you'd be able to smell it right? Same with the pregnancy thing? Plus that time he took that test he was beyond terrified, and I can assure you that you would have noticed that. Maybe he's planning a surprise for you, maybe he's seeing someone about his tokophobia but wants to do it by himself. I don't know Youngjo, but he's not doing anything like those things. Keonhee might protect him - but he wouldn't just stand by if Hwanwoong was doing things like this."

"I guess it's what I deserve either way." Youngjo said with a sigh. "I just... I'm sorry." Youngjo got up. "If you find out what he's doing and it's anything I need to know about please tell me." 

"I would. But it's probably just nothing Youngjo."

\- ☆ - 

Youngjo was trying not to over think, trying not to be angry about it - he didn't like this feeling, the feeling of knowing Hwanwoong was intentionally deceiving him. Hwanwoong came back later, he was in his dance practice outfit, and came in and just flopped onto the sofa. "Woong." Youngjo said coming out into the living room. 

"Mhm, I know I'll go shower in a second I'm just too tired. The dance show is coming soon." 

"I know you always get stressed before shows." Youngjo said gently, shifting to sit on the sofa and allow Hwanwoong to cuddle into him. "Do you want to share a bath together to help you relax?" 

"I would." Hwanwoong smiled, "Maybe it's the others in the bond but I feel so happy in our pack bond." 

"I'm glad, recently you've seemed sort of distracted." Youngjo didn't want to have this conversation, he just wanted to keep the other happy - he wanted to know what was going on, but Hwanwoong wasn't always the best at giving him the answers he wanted. 

"Mhm, I have a lot on my mind." 

"Maybe I can help." 

"For once Youngjo, this is something you can't help me with, I know you don't know the answers to." Hwanwoong hummed a little. He moved so he was sat up, moving gracefully onto Youngjo's lap and giving him a soft kiss. "I wish you knew the answers Youngjo. It would make it so much easier." Youngjo watched him. 

"You can tell me anything Hwanwoong." 

"I can't tell you this." Hwanwoong said quietly. "Not until I understand what's happening." He closed his eyes and Youngjo felt his concern rising that Hwanwoong was unable to talk to him. "I promise as soon as I work it out, as soon as I know - I am going to tell you. I will tell you everything and then we can work it out together. I love you but I need more time before I can explain this to you." 

"But you're okay?" 

"I'm okay. I just am looking to understand something better." Hwanwoong gave him another kiss. "If I can understand it, it will make things better for us, easier maybe. I will be able to understand you and us and our bond and I love you." 

"I love you too Hwanwoong."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find my twitter [here](https://twitter.com/KK_Moonbeam) if you wanna chat or anything~


	14. Learning to Trust - Seoho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, comments, kudos and hits are much appreciated and I reply to every comment, even if it's a bit late <3

Seoho liked how the pack felt with Daekyu in the bond, he loved the spikes in happiness they'd get from Dongju and Geonhak when things happened. He found himself going to visit them when he could, he loved giving them a hand. Seoho was sat on the floor playing with a train set with Daekyu. They were giving Dongju enough time to shower, and take a few minutes for himself. Dongju had become a stay at home dad since Daekyu came into their lives and even though he never said it, Seoho knew having a demanding toddler would be tiring and sometimes frustrating and exhausting for Dongju, so he tried his best to give him breaks if he was working from home, or off from work. Plus he just loved their packs youngest member and his laugh was pretty much the cutest sound in the world. "I heard you're starting to speak." Seoho said as they were playing. "You know the first uncle you call for should be me, Uncle Seoho. You don't want the others right? I'm the best uncle." 

"Are you trying to talk my son into rejecting his other uncles." Dongju said and Seoho turned, surprised to see that Dongju looked completely different from the man in sweats that he had come over to find. Dongju was dressed up in tight jeans and a jumper. He'd also done his hair and makeup. "Thanks for watching him, I feel a lot better now." Dongju smiled gently. "We're going out with Dongmyeong, Giwook and Seri, which sounds like a complete nightmare. Two toddlers in a restaurant." 

"Well I'm sure this one will be behaved." Seoho grinned, still playing with the train set. 

"I just want it to be nice, we've not gone out to eat since the adoption and we want to be able to do everything, you know. We want to be able to take him out and maybe... we'll work up to leaving him with one of you and going out." Dongju shook his head. "I honestly, can't understand how Dongmyeong and Giwook can just leave Seri." 

"You know if you left him with one of us, we'd take care of him. He's our pack." 

"Yes, but he's my baby. He's my baby boy. I just want to protect him from everything, and I can't bear the idea that I'm going to miss out on things." Dongju looked at his hands. "You know kids only cry when they know someone is going to come for them. He cried for the first time today, he'd just tripped and bruised his knee, but he finally accepted that someone is always going to come for him." Seoho looked at the boy. 

"I can't believe he went through that." 

"They have too many kids and not enough adoptive parents, most alpha's are too stubborn to even entertain the idea that they could bond with a baby that was fathered by another alpha." 

"And most of the agencies don't allow single parents or parents without a mate bond." 

"My baby didn't get the kind of love and care he needed as a baby and now I'm afraid that he'll never accept we are here to stay." 

"Well he feels settled in our pack bond, and we love him so much. He'll be okay if you two want to have a date night." Seoho said humming, getting up to join Dongju on the couch. "You need time as a couple, not just time as daddies." 

"We have couple time." Dongju said pushing Seoho's shoulder lightly. 

"I don't mean quiet rushed sex while your son is asleep and you both have enough energy." Seoho shook his head. "I mean like, a date, where you get dressed up and you just get to be yourselves, and focus on each other and your bond and do something you both love, like going out for a meal, or to see a movie or to just be alone together not talking about your son." 

"Maybe I like space rangers." 

"Maybe you do. But I don't think you do." Seoho teased. "I, however, do quite like it. It's pretty fun to watch." 

"Keonhee told me you have a date..." 

"Keonhee was supposed to keep that a secret." 

"Are you going to be okay?" 

"You mean am I going to come home drunk and crying about Youngjo until I pass out on Keonhee, only after I smash a glass just to complete the look so everyone knows I'm a mess? No, I'm not going to do that again." 

"I want you to be happy. I want you to find the guy or girl who's going to make you happy." 

"His name is Sungho." Seoho said quietly. "He seems nice, we met at an alpha group Yunho thought I should go to, for other alpha's like me." 

"So he's exclusively into other alphas?" 

"No... he has also dated betas but he is like me in the way that he doesn't really sense omegas." 

"There's only one problem with you dating alphas." Dongju hummed. "At our pack events there are going to be five alphas and just two omegas. I don't know if you heard about my brother in high school, but he only fights three alphas or more at once." Dongju laughed, "Oh and if Sungho hurts you or does anything you don't like text me and I'll sort it." 

"You mean Geonhak will sort it out." 

"Technically, I will tell Geonhak to sort it out, so isn't that the same thing?" Dongju smiled, "We always look out for each other." 

"We're pack." 

"Sometimes I think we're more than pack." Dongju said quietly. "I know pack is family, but you're just more family, as if we grew up as packmates. Or maybe we just went through our bad times together and we just became extra close over that." Seoho knew what Dongju meant, and he did have to agree, he would protect all of the pack, and he had been told at the alpha group he'd gone to that alpha's like him often felt more strongly protective over pack omega's because he didn't have an omega that that energy and bond was focussed on.

\- ☆ - 

Seoho was having a good time with Sungho, both of them talked easily with each other and Seoho couldn't help but think about how he could imagine doing this date again with the man. He wanted to have another date with him - he hadn't felt this way for a long time. When they left the restaurant, they decided to go for a walk together, neither of them clearly wanting to end their time together. 

Although, coming to the river was probably a bad idea, there were many memories here of Youngjo. They used to come hang out by the river a lot. "So what's your pack like?" Seoho realised they'd mostly just spoke about themselves and work and hobbies, but he wanted to know what the other's life was like. 

"It's 5 of us, our pack leader Haejun and his omega Jinwoo and then we have two betas who I think are probably going to end up together. We're a bit of an unconventional pack. Haejun is actually a beta too, but I didn't want to lead the pack and he's just a great natural leader. It just works for us. How about yours?" 

"We have two alpha-omega couples and then me and a beta. The beta's boyfriend is actually why I went to that group. You know, he wanted me to understand that I'm not alone." Seoho smiled. "I mean, I always kind of knew that there would be other alpha's like me out there, but it's nice to see how many." Seoho tried not to think of how he always used to come here with Youngjo, although he hesitated when Sungho moved to take his hand. 

"I'm small enough that people's first assumption isn't alpha." Sungho said softly. "And we have nothing to be ashamed of." 

"It's not that." Seoho said taking Sungho's hand and linking their fingers. "I'm not ashamed, I just used to come here with my ex and I didn't want- I don't know. I wasn't paying attention." 

"I'm sorry." Sungho said gently, giving his hand a squeeze. "The one who found his mate?" Sungho gave Seoho a sad smile. "You didn't deserve that Seoho, I know what it's like for someone to leave you for their mate, but I promise you, you deserve someone who would always choose you." 

"So do you Sungho." Seoho said, relieved to have already sort of covered the my ex has messed me up part of their date. "My ex is my pack leader, but I can't leave the others. One of the omegas in the pack, I know he wouldn't be able to handle it if I left, and I would miss him too much. We're not mates - he has a mate and a baby, but we've always just been there for each other. It's more complicated than Youngjo breaking my heart." 

"It always is as soon as packs are involved." Sungho said softly. "My ex actually left our pack because he found a mate and thought it would be easier to just leave. He'd been our pack leader before, so it was a hard transition and one of our beta's struggled so much with the loss of Inho. But we're all better now, and in the end I can't just give up because one guy left me, can I?" Sungho grinned. "Plus without that happening, I'd have never joined that group and we wouldn't be on this date right now, would we?" 

"True, I guess we both have our exs to thank for the date today." Seoho smiled. He thought he might feel self conscious, he'd never really gone out with another alpha, other than Youngjo and when they were together, he had sometimes thought about it. 

When they got to Sungho's, they went in together, Sungho lived on his own, the other two couples in connected houses like Seoho's own pack. Sungho made them both a cup of tea and they sat on the sofa together, just talking. Seoho knew he should probably go home, that this was not what you did on a first date, just going home with the other. He moved, both of them were turned facing each other as they just talked about things. Seoho couldn't believe how comfortable he felt, he natural it felt with Sungho. 

Until Sungho moved to kiss him and he panicked. "No." He said a bit firmer than he meant to and Sungho just moved back. 

"Sorry, if I misread the signals." 

"No, it's not that. I want to kiss you Sungho, but I'm not ready." Seoho was surprised when Sungho just took his hand and gave it a comforting squeeze. 

"It's okay Seoho." Sungho surprised him. He moved to press a kiss to the back of Seoho's hand. "I know what it's like to lose the person you think is going to be your forever, but I want you to know that I had a great time with you, and I would like to see you again. It doesn't matter to me if we don't kiss for a while. I just want to spend time with you, and we can keep going on dates and hanging out, just taking it slow - and when you're ready we can take that step into kisses." 

"I'm sorry." 

"It's fine, we all need time and to go at your pace." 

It was so nice to just spend time together, Sungho driving him back home after a while. Seoho walked back into his place and saw Keonhee curled up on the sofa with Yunho. Keonhee's head resting against Yunho's chest, curled up on the sofa, blanket over his legs, Yunho's hand in his hair. Seoho felt a pang of jealousy, he wanted that. He wanted it for himself, to be able to just do that with someone and maybe Sungho would be the person he could cuddle up and watch TV with. He knew he had to get over Youngjo, this chance with Sungho was too good to pass up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find my twitter [here](https://twitter.com/KK_Moonbeam) if you wanna chat or anything~


	15. It's not lying if you just don't talk - Hwanwoong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, comments, kudos and hits are much appreciated and I reply to every comment, even if it's a bit late <3

Hwanwoong lay looking at Youngjo, the man had his eyes closed, he always got tired when they finished. Hwanwoong couldn't relax until Youngjo's knot went down, it was uncomfortable for him - and he did normally as Youngjo to hold it back, but today he had felt like taking it. He shifted to kiss him. "Jo." Hwanwoong said quietly. "I love you." 

"I love you too Hwanwoong." Youngjo said with that warmth that made Hwanwoong forget everything he was afraid of. Youngjo shifted to push Hwanwoong's hair back out of his eyes. "Are you okay, I know you aren't a fan of knots?" 

"Yeah, I'm fine. I wanted all of you." Hwanwoong said quietly, looking away from Youngjo, he felt guilty. Guilty that he was going behind his mate's back to find out about if he was bonded to Seoho. Hwanwoong didn't even know what he was going to do once he got the information. He didn't want to lose Youngjo - sure he knew deep down, that if Youngjo wanted him, then it wouldn't matter.

"Is something wrong?" Youngjo asked and Hwanwoong just wished faking being asleep would be enough to get out of this. The last thing you wanted someone to ask after you had sex was that. 

"No." Hwanwoong said gently. "I just, I've been thinking about the children thing." Hwanwoong knew this conversation wasn't the one he was hiding from, but it made him equally want to run away. "Do you think we could wait just a year and then look at our options... If you wanted to do a surrogate, I will see a therapist and try to be okay with it. I just, don't think even with therapy it will be an option for me." 

"It's okay." Youngjo said gently. "You take all the time you need to decide how comfortable you are going to be." Youngjo sighed, "I know I handled it badly. I am sorry, I know that my words hurt you and I never wanted that to be the case." Hwanwoong nodded, it was easy to go behind Youngjo's back when the other wasn't like this. This Youngjo - not just the sex, but Youngjo had been the man that Hwanwoong knew was the real him, the one who was attentive and loving and would do anything for him. 

"I could have told you better." He said, moving to kiss Youngjo gently. "I still think we should get a puppy." Hwanwoong teased. "So you can have a baby of some kind." He teased.

\- ☆ - 

Hwanwoong felt even worse when he turned up at the cafe to talk to Yunho. Yunho took a sip of his drink. "What are you going to do if they are bonded Hwanwoong? Why are you so determined to find this out?" 

"I need to know." Hwanwoong shifted. "I need to know if the reason he watches Seoho, if the reason I can sometimes feel that he's elsewhere, I need to know if it's because he's got a bond with Seoho or if it's because I'm not... enough and he made the wrong choice when he picked me." 

"If they're bonded... it isn't like Seoho just walked into a room and instantly they were told they should fuck immediately." Hwanwoong looked down. "But - their bond will have been made from the depth of their feelings. They would have to be very deeply in love, and in the end, the feelings that linger could just be from that, they didn't break up because they didn't love each other." 

"I know they broke up because I went into rejection sickness."

"You doubt Youngjo?" 

"No, I didn't... I know he loves me. I know he was torn before and torn when he chose me. I know it was hard for him. But sometimes Yunho, I feel like he's imaging a different life, a life where he'd chosen differently, a life he might rather live in." Hwanwoong teared up a bit. "Sometimes I worry that one day he will hate me for pulling him away from Seoho - that our bond had ruined everything. I need to know if his mind is clouded by a second bond or if I need to sever and walk away from him." 

"Would you really sever with him over this?" 

"Yunho, I am asking you for help because I don't know what to do anymore and I cannot keep going on like this. I cannot keep looking at him and wondering, I just need to know what my life is like, I need to know if I should leave him." Hwanwoong sighed. "It hurts to know that I love him with my whole heart but he doesn't love me in the same way." 

"Hwanwoong, I don't think there is anyone in this situation that isn't scarred from it." 

"I didn't want a mate. I know you think omegas just come in and steal all the alphas, but I didn't _want_ him. I didn't want Youngjo. I was so happy he had Seoho, I thought we'd be one of those platonic mates. I thought that finally all I'd asked for as a child when I'd presented was coming true. I was going to be able to just exist. Of course, Youngjo is handsome and I liked him that way but he was happy and I was happy to see him happy - and we thought we'd be okay." 

"You knew your mate was leaving someone for you." 

"I didn't ask him to." Hwanwoong sighed. "Do you really hate me because I'm an omega?" 

"I don't hate you Hwanwoong. I just don't think you should be doing this behind your back." Yunho sighed and Hwanwoong knew the man was trying to calm the air with the pheromones. "I think that you doing this is only going to hurt both of them more. The only way to find out is to have their bond tested, which they would both have to willingly walk into - you should just be honest with them, tell them you think that they're bonded, that they need to get it tested."

\- ☆ - 

Youngjo and Hwanwoong had found a dog at the dog shelter that they were going to take home, it was weird to think they would have something to look after, Hwanwoong helped that it would help Youngjo with his desire for more than Hwanwoong was ready for. Animals were a good first step, Hwanwoong told himself anyway. Youngjo was so gentle with Sunny, who was currently curled up on their bed between them. 

Hwanwoong gently pressed a kiss. to Youngjo's cheek. "Are you happy?" Hwanwoong ask softly. He could feel the happiness in the bond, but he did like to confirm it.

"I'm happy Hwanwoong." Youngjo said, gently petting Sunny. "You make me happy." Hwanwoong felt guilty, all the things he was hiding from Youngjo that were about him in the end. "Are you happy Hwanwoong?" He asked, "sometimes I feel like you're... not unhappy, but something is bothering you, I can feel it in our bond and I know last time we talked about it, you said it was the kids thing, but, I thought we cleared the air on that." 

"I love you Youngjo." Hwanwoong said, knowing he should tell him, knowing that if he just told him maybe it would be easier. "I'm just stressed at work and the baby thing weighs on me, with how much we all love Daekyu." 

"Don't feel pressured by that, we all love Daekyu, but being his uncle is very different." Youngjo was being careful with him which just made Hwanwoong feel worse about what he was hiding.

"I mean I am also nervous about your award nomination." Hwanwoong said with a little laugh. "It could change everything for you and for Geonhak and Giwook." 

"Only if I win." 

"Even if you don't, music is something viable for you. You could really make it." Hwanwoong grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find my twitter [here](https://twitter.com/KK_Moonbeam) if you wanna chat or anything~


	16. I know that I can't have you - Youngjo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, comments, kudos and hits are much appreciated and I reply to every comment, even if it's a bit late <3 
> 
> I promise Youngjo isn't a complete asshole

Seoho was in Youngjo's kitchen cooking for the pack meal that night. "Acorn, I wanted to talk to you." 

"I've told you already, I'm not your acorn anymore, give Hwanwoong a nickname." 

"But Acorn-" 

"Youngjo please respect your mate, I have a boyfriend now. So if anyone gets to call me Acorn, its him. Not that he would call me Acorn." 

"Another alpha?" 

"No Youngjo I'm dating a frog man, of course another alpha. Unlike you I don't get to look back at that hilarious time I used to fuck an alpha, this is my life. I am attracted to alphas. Unfortunately, one of those alphas was you." 

"If Dongju comes in and hear this he's going to kick off." Geonhak said from the door. "I keep thinking we're past this moment and yet here we are again, we all get to relive this moment over and over." Geonhak looked tired. "Daekyu is settling in the pack, can you _please_ at least try to keep the pack stable - because if you can't, then Dongju is going to get angry and/or cry and then I have to get involved and as much fun as it would be to bang your heads together I really don't want to." 

"Is Daekyu still struggling to sleep though the night?" Seoho asked quietly. Geonhak nodded and Youngjo felt guilty, he didn't know that the only child in the pack was struggling with sleep. "I would say I can take him for the night, but I'm not sure that would help him, I know it's because he is afraid of losing you guys." 

"At this rate we aren't going to the awards show, Dongju isn't going to leave him if he doesn't think he'll be settled."

\- ☆ - 

After the pack meal Youngjo and Geonhak were sat together, everyone had gone back to their respective houses, but they usually did this after and just talked to each other. Hwanwoong had an evening dance class - so it was just them and Sunny in Youngjo's living room. Sunny lying on the sofa, Youngjo gently pet the dog. "You need to stop fighting Seoho, I mean it Youngjo." Geonhak said looking at the older. "I don't want Daekyu to grow up with you two hurting each other and it's not good for the people you're both with now. You two are over. You both need to stop with this." 

"I didn't-" 

"Don't call him Acorn, he sees it as a claiming name - and he's not yours anymore. Think of how much it must hurt him for you to keep using that name." 

"I know." 

"He has a boyfriend, he's called Sungho. Dongju tells me that Sungho is a really good guy. Sungho has been with Seoho for a few months now, and from what Dongju told me - they're going really slowly and Sungho is so patient and understanding with Seoho because you know he hadn't healed all of the damage to his heart. They're good for each other, I really think you need to give Sungho a chance and to let them try to be together." 

"Don't you think Seoho and Dongju are a bit close?" Youngjo knew this was unfair, he knew he shouldn't say this to his best friend but he had to stop this conversation. 

"I don't know what you're suggesting Youngjo. Seoho is not attracted to omegas-" 

"He slept with your mates twin." 

Geonhak just stared at him. "I trust Dongju as my mate and Seoho is pack. They are not doing anything behind my back. It has taken me a while to become completely comfortable with how they are. Seoho still smells like an alpha, he might not feel that attraction, but I can still smell him on my mate and child. But without Seoho, Dongju-" Geonhak looked away from Youngjo. "He was there when I couldn't give Dongju the comfort he needed. He was there to hold my mate together when I couldn't. Seoho has always protected my mate and our relationship and I am in equal parts grateful to him and frustrated that we needed another alpha to aid us." Geonhak took a shallow breath. "But, I know Dongju and I know Seoho. They love each other fiercely and will protect each other to the end. They are closer than pack, and I know normally that is reserved for people with their own secondary gender, but Seoho and Dongju are just special - maybe it's because Seoho was the original second in command in the pack, but Dongju trusts him with the things that omegas normally help each other with." 

"Seoho is not an omega." Youngjo didn't realise how defensive he was about this. "He's an alpha." 

"I never said he wasn't, but their bond is just like that." Geonhak sighed, "we talked about it in our couples counselling a few times. It helped us understand each other and the way we're bonded to the rest of the pack and how it impacts us and our relationship. Seoho might be an alpha but Dongju and him are like platonic soulmates or something and they will always be like this, so I either had to get with the program or risk losing him." 

"Why doesn't he have it with Hwanwoong?" 

"You know why Youngjo - please don't make me say it." Youngjo nodded, he knew that from the start Dongju had been against Hwanwoong joining the pack and had not made it a secret that he was displeased when Youngjo chose his mate over Seoho. 

"He should, omegas are-" 

"I can't make Dongju do anything he doesn't want to. I know better than to try." Geonhak teased. "He's very stubborn and I do love how passionate he is but it is frustrating and Hwanwoong - you also have to understand they stand on opposite sides, Dongju cannot conceive but wants to desperately and Hwanwoong cannot bear to be around the mention of pregnancy. Hwanwoong has more in common with Dongmyeong than Dongju and Hwanwoong do."

\- ☆ - 

It was Keonhee's birthday and Youngjo couldn't help when his eyes caught Seoho's new alpha. Hwanwoong was helping Youngjo check on the last few food items in the kitchen. "Sungho seems nice, good for Seoho." Hwanwoong said carefully and Youngjo knew the other was tiptoeing around the conversation. 

"Sure." Youngjo shrugged, "If you like small alphas with a lot to prove." 

"I don't get that impression from him, and he seems to care deeply about Seoho. Although, Dongju did ask him if he was going to join our pack - you know Dongju and Seoho are just really close-" 

"We're already imbalanced with alphas in this pack." Youngjo said firmly. 

"He makes Seoho happy. I know it's still pretty early for them, but I think our pack could endure that imbalance." 

"And what about Yunho? At what point do I draw the line as the pack leader? If we're too imbalanced it's not good for Daekyu-" 

"Why? It's not like they're single alpha's with their pheromones running wild. Sungho and Seoho are together, both of them don't feel attraction to omegas so our packs stability would remain in tact." Hwanwoong bit his lip. "And I don't think Keonhee is going to present Yunho to join the pack." 

"Why?" Youngjo felt a sting, was he failing his pack? There were so many things he had missed while he had been so consumed of late with everything in his life. 

"You know Keonhee doesn't believe in love." Hwanwoong sighed, looking out the kitchen and Youngjo's eyes followed his, Keonhee was talking with Sungho and Youngjo could see how Yunho looked at him. 

"Yunho's in love with him." Youngjo said quietly. "But Keonhee doesn't feel the same." 

"I think Keonhee would... He just won't let himself be in love again." 

"If I ever meet that alpha who hurt him this badly-" 

"I know." Hwanwoong said quietly. "Sometimes I wonder if Yunho knows the full story, and if he doesn't, then maybe someone should tell him-" 

"It's Keonhee's pain to share if he wants. He's not even told the pack the full story." Youngjo said softly, wrapping his arms around Hwanwoong and pulling him close. "I love that you want to help Yunho understand Keonhee, you're an amazing friend but it's up to Keonhee how he deals with his past." Hwanwoong nodded leaning to press a kiss to Youngjo's lips. 

"I know but I want him to be happy." 

"He has to want it for himself." Youngjo said softly, fixing Hwanwoong's hair with a gentle hand. "You know we can only fix our ownselves."

\- ☆ - 

Dongju was helping Youngjo clean up. Hwanwoong was helping Keonhee take his gifts over to his place, Geonhak was putting Daekyu to bed and Seoho and Sungho were still on the sofa, talking, although occasionally sharing kisses. "You should stop staring at them, it's Sungho's first time with the pack."

"I don't know what you're saying Dongju, if they want to make out on my sofa-" 

"Please, they're not making out. It's just a few kisses, they're the least affectionate of any of the couples here today." Dongju stood his ground. "If you're jealous, you should have picked him. You don't get to be jealous when it's taken him almost two years to be able to move on from you." 

"I'm not jealous." 

"You know we can feel things in the pack bond." Dongju stood his ground. "You have a mate, Youngjo, if you wanted Seoho you shouldn't have dragged Hwanwoong into it." 

"You need to stop Dongju." Youngjo said flatly. 

"Are you threatening me?" Dongju glared harder. 

"Of course I'm not." Youngjo shook his head. "You should be focussing on your family and not me." 

"If you ruin this for him Youngjo, there will be no coming back from it." Dongju said, "our pack can't survive another fall out between you two." 

"I know." Youngjo said softening. "I know, and I'm trying to do what I can for the pack stability." 

"I just don't want anyone to get hurt and Seoho finally has a chance to move on and you have Hwanwoong. Please." Dongju took a slow breath. "I do get that it's hard... but you had a choice." Dongju moved to leave and paused. "Hwanwoong can feel your jealousy as well, so he knows."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find my twitter [here](https://twitter.com/KK_Moonbeam) if you wanna chat or anything~


	17. Where do we begin - Seoho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, comments, kudos and hits are much appreciated and I reply to every comment, even if it's a bit late <3

Seoho lay in bed next to Sungho, gently tracing over his tattoos. "The sex thing doesn't bother you?" Seoho asked quietly. Sungho looked at him and shook his head. 

"Why would it bother me? You're not ready for that step and I don't mind waiting until you are, because we only go as fast as the person who wants to go the slowest wants, so its all at your pace." Sungho gave him a tired smile. "But I am tired and I have work tomorrow and your pack both want me to join and hate me." Seoho shook his head, knowing that Dongju had been a bit much earlier. 

"No one hates you." 

"If looks could kill your pack leader would have killed me at least four times." Sungho sighed when Seoho just cuddled into him tighter. "I feel bad for his mate." 

"Because Youngjo seemed cold?"

"Because he was jealous. And I know the others in the pack could feel it in the pack bond. The block you have somehow managed on him works both ways so you don't feel him fully. But he was jealous. I don't need to be bonded to know that, I have eyes."

"I don't see why he's jealous, he has Hwanwoong," Seoho said softly, kissing over one of Sungho's tattoo's on his collarbone. He moved to playfully bite him.

"Squiggle~" Sungho whined, "practicing for when you feel comfortable?" Seoho flushed biting was a common part of a lot of sex, it was practical for many alpha-omega couples, Dongju had once explained that if an alpha bites over the mate mark during sex, it makes it all more intense. With alphas, Seoho could only assume when alpha's bite each other it was part of that claiming instinct." 

"I do... want to have sex with you." Seoho said quietly. "I mean, why wouldn't I?" He gave Sungho a quick kiss. "But you deserve better than what I can give you right now." 

"Are you saying you need to practice sex before you sleep with me?" 

"No. I'm saying, there is a part of me that still misses Youngjo - and I don't know why because I want to be with you. I want you Jin Sungho, and yet my brain keeps doing this to me. I don't want him." 

"It's okay Seoho, you're healing. It took me ages to get over my ex and I wasn't even in a pack with him." 

"Did you mean what you said to Dongju, about if it... if we wanted.... that you'd join us? Or did you just say that because Dongju can be very _intense_." 

"He's a very feisty omega isn't he?" Sungho grinned, "Our pack's omega is the same, he has piercings and tattoos - some of which he got because _'good omega's don't get tattoos'_ " Sungho rolled his eyes. "Good omegas don't fall in love with betas but Jinwoo does exactly what he wants and we love him so much." 

"He's the one who wasn't there when I went to yours." Seoho pouted. 

"You my Haejoon the pack leader which was important, that's Jinwoo's boyfriend - they say they're mates and if you try to tell Jinwoo that the fact he can sense alphas means he could meet an alpha who's his mate, he might stab you." Sungho shrugged. "But also he has always said he'd reject them off the bat." 

"Good for him that he knows what him and Haejoon have is special." Seoho said, shifting to give Sungho a few more kisses, he had missed kissing like this in the time he'd been single, just kissing between conversations, talking about things and just sharing this kind of intimacy. 

"But I meant it." Sungho said gently. "I know my pack would be okay without me, but also I can recognise whatever you and Dongju have is special, it's a very deep bond and I don't know if you two would feel the same way about the world without each other." 

"Dongju-" Seoho stopped, he knew Sungho would never say anything but he also knew Dongju's pain was his own. "It was hard for Dongju, building up to the adoption, and they bad things kinda started around when Youngjo and I broke up so I guess we were just broken at the same time." 

"It's not just that, honestly Seoho, it's really amazing." Sungho smiled to himself. "God, seeing you and him and his son - I knew I loved you, but in that moment I couldn't believe how much I loved seeing you with your family." Sungho moved to fix Seoho's hair. "I would never take you away from Dongju, and I would never want to take you away from Daekyu." Sungho sighed, "Also Dongju might kill me if I did ask you to join my pack." 

"I think he'd just get Geonhak to do it." 

"Oh well at least I'd be killed probably quickly."

\- ☆ - 

Seoho hated this already and Youngjo had only just sat down. Sungho's hand on his thigh was comforting - but he could see Youngjo's eyes on them. Why did this feel like cheating? He wasn't cheating. "What is it that you two wanted to talk to me about?" Youngjo said flatly. "You two haven't been seeing each other long enough to think about presenting him to the pack, we have a child in the bond." 

"I would never affect a child in the bond." Sungho said, "I would not ask to join the pack if I did not feel sure and I will not ask to join until Seoho is also sure that we will be together long term, so we will not cause a disturbance to Daekyu." 

"Good." 

"I just thought we should talk and then Squiggle wanted to be here too - I think he thinks you're going to threaten me." 

"Squiggle?" Youngjo's jaw clenched. "You have a claim name." 

"Yes?" Seoho said quietly. "It just happened." 

"You had a claim name for him, so it's not as if you're having some alpha/alpha related aneurysm. It happens sometimes between alpha's and Squiggle is just, it feels right for him." Sungho said and Seoho blushed. He loved being called Squiggle, he loved being Sungho's, he love the way that the other looked after him and he felt so safe with the man. "I just wanted to clear the air between us - because I don't know why you don't like me, you've literally spoken more to me now than you did at Keonhee's birthday. Daekyu spoke more to me than you did and he just makes sounds and shouts dad or daddy occasionally." 

"I don't think we have much to talk about." 

"I am going to be around for a long time Youngjo. Until Squiggle doesn't want me and I care very deeply for him. I can't just let you decide to hate me before you know me. Not when it is going to make Squiggle feel divided between his pack and me." 

"I'm not making anyone choose." Youngjo looked at him. "We're already imbalanced with alphas-" 

"Oh please Youngjo, let's not bullshit this. You're jealous." Sungho shrugged. "Let's just say it in the open, you're jealous-" 

"Why would I be jealous?" 

"Isn't that the question." Sungho said and Seoho regretted this conversation even happening. "Why would you be jealous when you broke his heart first-" 

"Don't talk about what you don't know." 

"Or what Youngjo, you gonna tell the truth? Just say it, you're jealous, it's okay. I was jealous of you." Sungho was somehow pushing hard but also being gentle. "I was jealous, because look how wonderful you pack is. I love my pack so much but they're unconventional and our pack bond is never going to be filled with that love that comes with a child in the pack and my god the lil pup is so cute and watching Squiggle and you guys look after that little boy made me envious. I am jealous that you got to meet Seoho before me. I just don't know what you're doing." Sungho sighed, "You have an amazing mate, Hwanwoong is wonderful, why can't you just let us be happy? If you gave me a chance, I know you wouldn't think I was a bad person."

"Sungho." Seoho said gently. "It's okay." 

"Listen to your boyfriend." 

"You know I am not going to stop coming around because you're jealous. Squiggle-" 

"It's a stupid claim name." Youngjo glared at Sungho. 

"I like it." Seoho said moving to take Sungho's hand. "Look - I want you to get on with Sungho. It makes it harder for the pack if you don't because he will be invited to pack events. If Yunho is coming then I'm inviting him. Please Youngjo can you just _try_. I'm not asking you to be his best friend."

\- ☆ - 

Hwanwoong had surprised Seoho by coming over to see him. "I wanted to talk to you." Hwanwoong said quietly. "I'm sorry about how Youngjo is acting. He should give Sungho a chance, he is a good man." 

"A good man who I'm probably going to fuck it up with, so I guess Youngjo will get to be right." 

"You're not going to fuck it up." 

"We aren't having sex." Seoho shook his head, he didn't mind talking about this with pack - not Youngjo - but the rest. "Like at all and he keeps telling me it's okay but like how long is it going to be okay?" 

"Until you're ready to have sex." Hwanwoong said, "if he loves you, and maybe he's not said it yet but I can see how he looks at you, he will wait for you to be ready." 

"I don't know what it is." Seoho sighed. "I want to have sex with him, but every time we get hot and heavy there is just a part of me that feels... not fully there." Seoho sighed, "and I want to be 100% with it when we have sex." 

"Have you explained that?" 

"Honestly, I don't even have to. He just accepts that I'm not ready."

"He sounds great - I'll talk to Jo about it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find my twitter [here](https://twitter.com/KK_Moonbeam) if you wanna chat or anything~


	18. The Thought that Counts - Hwanwoong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, comments, kudos and hits are much appreciated and I reply to every comment, even if it's a bit late <3

"How am I supposed to find out if they're mates... They are never going to agree to be checked without explaining." Hwanwoong knew this was the point where he was supposed to tell them the truth and get them on side. 

"You could have a pack bond test." Dongmyeong said, "Harin thinks we should do it - he wants to see how our pack could improve stability, although I think really, the three of them wants confirmation that what they're doing is the right thing - and I want to see how Seri is bonded with Giwook. I just need that confirmation that she has a full parental bond with him." 

"Right so the whole pack would need to do it." 

"I think Geonhak and Dongju would want to do it, you know with Dongju... he has fears about Daekyu not being completely bonded so I think it would something that would be really good for him."

\- ☆ - 

Youngjo called a pack meeting to discuss the issue, they'd barely spoken to each other since it had been brought up, but here Youngjo was chairing a pack meeting about his idea. "So how would we all feel about a pack bond evaluation. Harin's pack are doing it and I think it could be something that would be good." 

"I want to do it." Dongju said, as Dongmyeong had predicted. "I'm pregnant." He blurted out - Hwanwoong could feel everyone's surprise but Geonhak and Seoho - because of course Dongju would hide this from the other pack omega. "So we need to do it before my second trimester. I checked on the website and they don't recommend it from the second trimester onwards because the pack and mate bonds start to change to accept the baby." 

"You're pregnant?" Youngjo repeated, before smiling. "Congratulations, I know you two really wanted this for a long time." 

"It is important to us to have this evaluation." Geonhak affirmed, "before we have the baby. We would like to see where Daekyu is with our bond." 

"I agree for that reason." Seoho said. "I think if it will help Geonhak, Dongju and Daekyu we have no choice at this point. Daekyu is a pack child and we should always chose the course of action that would benefit him the most, and ensure his stability in the pack." Seoho's comment while supportive was also pointed at Youngjo - Hwanwoong knew that Seoho had not forgiven Youngjo for the argument between Sungho and Youngjo. Hwanwoong had said he would talk to Youngjo about it, but it had hurt too much. 

How was he supposed to ask Youngjo about his problems with Sungho. Even without their bonded link, Hwanwoong knew that Youngjo was jealous. It stung knowing that his mate was jealous that Sungho was the one taking Seoho back his bed. It made Hwanwoong burn up in his own kind of jealousy. How could his mate do that to him? To still habour secret feelings for Seoho was one thing, to still call him acorn when he'd never given Hwanwoong a claimed name, but the obvious jealousy was too much. Everyone knew and it was embarrassing. Hwanwoong still didn't know what he was going to do when they found out if Youngjo and Seoho were bonded. 

He flip flopped between what was worse. Would it be worse if they were bonded? Then all of Youngjo's behaviour would be explained, but then Youngjo would have to pick a bond. If they weren't bonded, then he just clearly liked Seoho more. That stung more, but was easier to hate Youngjo for. Hwanwoong had already decided that if Youngjo and Seoho weren't bonded, he was going to sever with Youngjo. There was no point staying if that was the case. 

The pack voted unanimously to do the the bond test and Hwanwoong offered to place it - that way he would be the one the results came to and he would be able to see them and decide what he was going to do about Youngjo.

\- ☆ - 

Youngjo came to find him in their office. "Did you book the test?" 

"Mhm." Hwanwoong said "For next Friday, it was the day most of us had off - and Geonhak can get it off." 

"Are you okay?" 

"Sure, we argue often, it wasn't even that bad." 

"I didn't mean that." Youngjo said quietly. "I am sorry, though, about our fight. I know it's hard for you - and you think I'm jealous of Sungho, but why would I be jealous? I love you Hwanwoong. I want you." 

"Jo, I know what jealousy feels like." 

"It's the first guy Seoho has been with since we broke up - I'm sorry. I understand that it's painful for you." Hwanwoong nodded, Youngjo could be the sweetest person, their bond felt secure and warm and he loved it but there was that doubt in the back of his mind. "I didn't know what to do when I met Sungho. I will admit that it brought up feelings I wish it had not. Feelings that were disrespectful to our bond. I chose you Hwanwoong. I love you." 

"I love you too Youngjo, but the jealousy - it really hurt me." Hwanwoong sighed. "I love you too" Hwanwoong wanted to get off of this conversation topic. "What was it you wanted to check on me about?" 

"Dongju being pregnant." 

"Ah, yes." 

"Are you okay? I know pregnancy, even other people's can make you feel uncomfortable." 

"It will be worse when he starts showing." Hwanwoong admitted, shame causing a flush to rise. "In the pack I grew up in, it was when the omega's showed their pregnancy that I became uncomfortable. Looking at the baby bumps makes my skin itch." Hwanwoong shifted awkwardly. "I know it's weird but I just can't deal with it, but I will try, Dongju is our pack and I know that we will still be having pack events and we will be looking after Daekyu sometimes too, so we have to make sure that Dongju doesn't feel unwelcome." 

"I wasn't asking because I was worried about him, Dongju is more than capable of handling himself. He knows that you are struggling and he has had his own struggles." Youngjo sighed, "I'm worried about you. We have been fighting more of late, and I would really like for us to work on that, to work on spending more time appreciating each other and no going at each other for things." 

"I agree Youngjo." Hwanwoong said quietly. "I want to make this work for us but the fighting is really taking a toll on me." 

"I am sorry, I completely agree. We need to find a way to fix our relationship."

\- ☆ - 

Hwanwoong kind of hated that their apologies always ended in sex and then him lying next to Youngjo as he was sleeping, arm around him. He wondered what Youngjo would say if Hwanwoong told him about the bond that he suspected Youngjo had with Seoho, it was clear that Youngjo also didn't understand why they kept having problems relating to Seoho. Once he got answers maybe he would be able to fix them and then they could move on to the other issues in their relationship. 

Youngjo stirred in his sleep and Hwanwoong gently moved, shifting to cuddle into the man, pressing a kiss to Youngjo's jaw. "Night Jo, I love you. I'm sorry but this is the only way to save us."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find my twitter [here](https://twitter.com/KK_Moonbeam) if you wanna chat or anything~


	19. Maybe this is a mistake - Youngjo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, comments, kudos and hits are much appreciated and I reply to every comment, even if it's a bit late <3

Youngjo was nervous for the bond test, he did know that his bond with Hwanwoong needed work. He knew his pack bonded needed work. He looked over in the waiting room and saw the only people he knew were going to get amazing feedback. Geonhak had his arm around Dongju, their little boy was actually on the floor, driving his cars. Youngjo couldn't feel Dongju's pregnancy in the pack bond yet, but he knew it was a matter of time before the bond would start to change. Dongju and Geonhak were a great example of what the mate bond was supposed to be like. Youngjo wished he could have that with Hwanwoong. 

Hwanwoong took a slow breath beside him, he was nervous too. "Are you okay?" Youngjo asked softly. "Even if they say our bond isn't great, they'll give us suggestions on how we can strengthen our bond and our relationship." 

"I love you Youngjo, I want to fix us." Hwanwoong said softly. Youngjo nodded, they were all handed forms and Youngjo sighed, it asked about pack dynamics, bonds, what the person thought the pack needed to work on, how settled they felt with the bond. Youngjo went back to watching the pack, Seoho was currently holding Daekyu, Dongju and Geonhak were not around and Seoho signalled that they had gone for a phone call. Youngjo was pretty sure it was to do with Dongmyeong, Harin had mentioned that their pack had done the test but he was worried the results would be skewed because Dongmyeong and Giwook had been fighting recently. Youngjo watched Seoho and Daekyu playing - trying hard not to think about how they had been ready to start their family. 

"I think Dongmyeong and Giwook are fighting again." Youngjo said quietly, he knew Hwanwoong was close to Dongmyeong so he could get an opinion. 

"They have been struggling again." Hwanwoong said, "but Dongju is pregnant - they should be leaving him and Geonhak out of it." 

"I agree. I might see how Geonhak feels later today." 

"They're twins, they're each others main support system." Hwanwoong said with a smile. "Dongmyeong does things that no one can understand unless you know him-" 

"Like when he slept with Seoho to get at Giwook but then wanted to avoid telling Giwook and then never told Seoho about the pregnancy so all the wires got crossed." 

"It all made sense in Dongmyeong's head at some point." Hwanwoong shrugged. "He doesn't feel safe the way other omegas do with their alpha, it's not a problem with Giwook - if anything Giwook is amazing, but he has always struggled to accept that he's an omega, so he reacts badly to everything alpha's are taught to do." 

"So everything Giwook is told to do, he has to work around." 

"Pretty much, but also Dongmyeong wants it." Hwanwoong laughed. "See how confusing it is? But I think Dongju can talk him out of it sometimes." 

"And I thought I didn't know what to do-" 

"I'm less confusing, right?" Hwanwoong smiled, shifting to cuddle into him. "I know now isn't the time, but I'd like a claim name Youngjo." Hwanwoong said gently. "I just want you to think about it, you called Seoho acorn but you never call me anything."

\- ☆ - 

The omegas went first and Dongju took Daekyu with him. Geonhak was tense - it was hard to separate a pregnant couple. "Hak, are you okay?" 

"Since I found out about the baby, my protective instinct is in overdrive and even before then." Geonhak shifted slightly. "Because we've tried so hard for so long, and now I'm just so protective, I am almost as bad as Giwook was before Seri was born. It's hard for me to go to work, because I just want to look after him." 

"That's not usual." Keonhee said and all three alpha's looked at him. "It's not, I might be a beta but even I know that." 

"No you're right, but we don't know why he's got my instincts like this." 

"Your naturally a protective alpha." Youngjo offered. 

"Dongju has been stressed about the pregnancy from the start, so it's only natural that you'd want to protect him and the baby. I know he feels a lot of fear about how Daekyu will take being a big brother." Seoho said warmly. "Like your son isn't going to be an amazing big brother. I've seen him with Seri." 

"Dongju thinks that when we tell him there is going to be baby that he is going to reject us." 

"But he's so bonded." Keonhee said softly. 

"That's why Dongju really wanted us to do with when Hwanwoong and Dongmyeong mentioned it. I think getting it in writing that Daekyu is fully bonded, will help him relax and I would really appreciate if he could just enjoy the pregnancy - well as much as he can, I mean we defied odds even getting pregnant, this is going to be our only pregnancy and I want him to just - be happy, and focus on our growing family. He's scared to mention it around Daekyu, and I can just think of how cute it will be to tell Daekyu." Geonhak sighed, "but all he can see is that changing the family increases the chance of an adoption rejection."

\- ☆ - 

After the evaluation they all went out to eat together, Youngjo couldn't help but notice how Dongju's tastes were already different, although he spent most of the meal leaning against Geonhak and stealing food off his mates plate. The pack bond was nice, although it became hard to filter feelings, and Dongju and Geonhak were radiating their euphoria down the pack bond. Youngjo knew that the feeling was spreading through them all - which was where pack bonds could not be trusted. They all felt happy but it was Dongju and Geonhak's happiness. He could only imagine what it would be like when Dongju got further into his pregnancy, he wasn't sure their pack bond could even contain the amount of happiness he knew they'd feel when he felt the first kick. 

Youngjo knew it wasn't right for him to be envious, but he was. He wanted that bond, and he knew it was partly his fault that he hadn't gotten it. There were two people in his bond, and he knew that the issues with Seoho had strained their bond, potentially past the point of return. 

The drive home was quiet, Youngjo was thinking about their bond - about what could be done. He had to kill his feelings for Seoho if he wanted this to work. He had to have a claim name. He needed to make Hwanwoong feel secure. "Woong. Peanut." 

Hwanwoong looked at him. "Peanut?" 

"Do you like it?" 

"You want to call me Peanut?" 

"Do you want me to?" 

"If I'm your Peanut." Hwanwoong said softly. "Then I want you to say it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find my twitter [here](https://twitter.com/KK_Moonbeam) if you wanna chat or anything~


	20. Squiggle - Seoho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, comments, kudos and hits are much appreciated and I reply to every comment, even if it's a bit late <3 
> 
> TW// there is some infertility talk early on in the ch

The bond test was weird enough, but to come home and find his boyfriend on the sofa made it all worth it. Seoho pressed a quick kiss to Sungho's lips, grinning against his lips. "Someone's in a good mood." Sungho said between kisses. 

"Blame Dongju and Geonhak, we had dinner before coming back and they're just so happy, it's overwhelming the pack bond a bit." He said between the kisses he was giving his boyfriend. "It was nice though, to feel their happiness in the pack bond and it wasn't tinged with fear." 

"They're still worried about Daekyu?" 

"Mhm, but this bond test, it really means a lot to them to know how bonded he is. I mean we all know he's completely bonded to them, but the idea of having it in writing just means a lot to Dongju." 

"He needs it, doesn't he?" Sungho said softly. "I think it's common for omegas like him, he's been through so much, so now he just needs that extra assurance that he is doing the right thing, that he's good enough." Sungho was insightful into the pack, even though he wasn't part of the pack. "I mean Geonhak is a very supportive alpha." 

"You didn't know them during the peak of their issues." Seoho said, cuddling into Sungho. "They were both just in so much pain and they were just unable to communicate it to each other." 

"I think fertility can be hard like that." Sungho said gently. "You know Jinwoo -" 

"Your pack's omega?" 

"Mhm, we don't know what happened to him before he joined our pack. I think Haejoon knows, but Jinwoo had something happen when he was younger and he can't carry pups, but he still has heats and everything functions as if normal." Sungho looked at Seoho. "But he can't have kids, and I remember when he first told Haejoon - mostly because he literally screamed it at him. It took them months to heal that, to work through that pain. You've never told me what happened with them, but I can work out from how the pack are treating this pregnancy that this is something you all didn't think would happen - it was hard enough for Haejoon and Jinwoo and they knew in advance of trying that it would never happen. I can't imagine how hard it is, to be trying and trying and just not getting what you want the most." 

"I can't even imagine how much pain Jinwoo and Dongju have been through." Seoho said cuddling even closer to Sungho. "I think I have a lot of pain but they truly are so strong." 

"Well, as Jinwoo says to anyone who will listen, anyone who thinks omegas are weaker than alphas have never met an omega."

\- ☆ - 

Dongju and Geonhak were sat on their sofa, today was the day of their first scan and Dongju was nervous. They were leaving Daekyu with Seoho and Sungho, and Seoho loved that his friends had accepted his relationship with another alpha and weren't weird about it - as there was a lot of discourse that same-secondary sex couples (excluding beta/beta), were unnatural so a bad example to children. "Wait til you hear this." Geonhak smiled. "He said it this morning when Dongju asked him where he was going. Who's that~" Geonhak said pointing to Seoho. 

"Uncy Squigguw" Daekyu said with a giggle. 

"Uncle Squiggle?" Seoho said and Daekyu just nodded, running over to give him a cuddle. Seoho held him close, looking over at Sungho who was just giving him a warm smile. "I can't believe you've trained our pack baby to call me Squiggle." 

"You are Uncle Squiggle." Sungho grinned, "Daekyu has spoken." 

"You're also the only uncle he says by name." Dongju said, "and I think it's cute, you and Sungho have similar names, so I did worry he might get you confused." 

"I love it really." Seoho smiled, he did, he loved that the pack were affirming his claimed name from Sungho. He didn't know it would mean so much to him to hear it from this little boy. He wanted this boy to call him whatever he wanted, but to use the name Sungho had given him - it was as if they were all affirming that Sungho was the right choice, that Sungho belonged with him. "Are we going to have fun Dae?" He asked, the boy sat on his lap nodded. "Are you two going to be long?" 

"It's just a preliminary scan and check - there are a few extra questions we have because of the diagnosis but we'll be back as quickly as we can." Geonhak said, getting up to leave. "If it gets to 12 can you feed him?" 

"Of course." Sungho said for them. "I was thinking of doing a stir-fry, I'll do it without mushrooms don't worry." 

"Wait." Dongju said as he was half way out the door. "I can't leave him." He came back and and just took the boy into his arms. Geonhak looked at Seoho as if he would know what Dongju is doing. Dongju walked back to Geonhak carrying the boy. 

"We can't bring him into the scan." 

"We could." 

"Dongju." 

"Geonhak." Dongju sounded a bit distressed and Seoho had to fight back the urge to step in. "I can't leave him, please don't make me." The boy, reacting to his parents mood was now clinging to Dongju, and separating them would probably result in both of them crying. Geonhak must have seen this was a losing battle. "Please, I need it - I just. Sea monkey-." 

"Stop Dongju, and your mood is affecting Daekyu. If we bring him, where is he going to be when we're having the scan?" 

"He can sit in the room." Sungho had his arm on Seoho's stopping him taking a step closer to the discussion. He just needed to stop Dongju's pain. He had to stop this fight. "Please Geonhak, I know we agreed-" 

"Dongju, it's not that I don't want to bring him. I just don't think there will be somewhere for him." 

"Geonhak." He breathed out, "Please." 

"This is unfair Dongju, you're holding Daekyu who is feeling clingy because of your mood." Geonhak sighed, "put him in the car then." Dongju nodded and went to the car. Geonhak turned to them and just gave them a small smile. "Sorry we got you to cancel plans, Dongju has been... indecisive but also he's kind of clingy with all of us in the bond. He's struggling when the family is apart." 

"It's okay." Sungho said with a small nod. "I mean, he's pregnant and Squiggle told me that you did the pack bond evaluation to help Dongju with his fears." 

"I hope those results arrive soon." Geonhak sighed, "I need him to calm down about it. This much stress is not good." 

"Soon, he'll have that confirmation of the full bond." 

"I know, I just wish it came sooner rather than later. I love him but we can't do his entire pregnancy with him being this distressed."

\- ☆ - 

"I want to talk to Hwanwoong." Seoho said pushing his stir fry around his plate. "Maybe he and Jo can call the hospital and get our results... even if it's just Dongju's pages." 

"Hwanwoong knows how much this means to Dongju, so I'm sure he will chase it." Sungho moved to gently take Seoho's hand. "Also I know you just want to help - but Squiggle, you cannot step in to their arguments right now. Dongju is pregnant and another alpha is only going to make it harder for them to communicate. Geonhak's senses are already heightened and Dongju is radiating more distress than usual." 

"I just want to help." 

"I know you do baby, and I love that about you, but Squiggle, you can't protect your pack from everything. And Geonhak and Dongju need to decide how to handle their overwhelming senses and until Geonhak learns how to calm these fears down, you have to let them try it." Seoho loved Sungho, he loved him but especially now, helping him understand his pack and his life. Sungho was very aware of things like that, and he knew and understood people. 

"I know." Seoho conceded. "It's just difficult to feel their emotions and just watch."

"I know but they have to work through them together. I promise if I thought Geonhak didn't have it handled I'd be all for you stepping in. But right now, that's not what they need."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find my twitter [here](https://twitter.com/KK_Moonbeam) if you wanna chat or anything~


	21. Out of fear, I cover my eyes - Hwanwoong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, comments, kudos and hits are much appreciated and I reply to every comment, even if it's a bit late <3

Hwanwoong stared at the paper work, analysing their pack bond.

_This pack has 3 bonded pairs, Omega Son - Alpha Kim G., Omega Yeo - Alpha Kim Y., Alpha Lee - Alpha Kim Y._

Hwanwoong felt sick, all his fears were confirmed Seoho and Youngjo had bonded, they were paired together, drawn to each other like moths to a flame. Hwanwoong read further, wanting to understand everything.

_Alpha Lee had previously taken on the role of second in command in the pack prior to Omega Yeo joining. It appears the bond between him and Alpha Kim Y predated the mate bond between Omega Yeo and Alpha Kim Y. The mating of the aforementioned Alpha and Omega led to Alpha Lee being displaced as second in command but he continues to be the strongest stabilizing force in the pack bond. Most pack members have the strongest bond with him, other than their bond to the pack leader. Including the child of Omega Son and Alpha Kim G (see the section on their specific bond for further information about how the child is bonded to the pack). It is apparent that Alpha Lee is unaware of his bond - he filled out the paper work to state he was not bonded to anyone, and Alpha Kim Y only listed Omega Yeo for his bonds. Their bond does not appear to interfere with the pack bond or Alpha Kim Y's mate bond, but we are not sure of the bonds implication_

Hwanwoong stopped reading, he couldn't do this not now he knew that Seoho and Youngjo were mated, bonded. This was why they struggled to leave each other behind. But what if it wasn't? What if it was more?

\- ☆ - 

Seoho was sat in Hwanwoong's living room. He looked at him trying to decipher what this was about. "I want to talk to you about our bond test?" 

"Why?" He tried not to sound guilty. 

"Dongju, he really needs those results. I know we're just waiting for them to get back to us and I do understand, but Dongju is so stressed about what the new baby means for his existing family - I'm afraid that he will damage himself or the baby with this much stress." He took a slow breath, "and it's making it hard for Geonhak, and with both of his parents distressed it's starting to affect Daekyu - I worry that his progress will be reversed." Hwanwoong knew Dongju had been worried about the adoption bond, with the baby on the way but he felt guilty knowing he had the paperwork upstairs. "Like can you call them, just ask for the page on Daekyu or something, we just need to settle Dongju." 

"I'll see what I can do." Hwanwoong said, he hated this, he had to keep this from them. Seoho was never going to forgive him when he found out, but that wasn't enough to make him just tell the truth about the results that were upstairs.

\- ☆ - 

"Who have you shown this to?" Dongmyeong asked quietly. 

"No one - I can't..." 

"You have to show my brother. The bond evaluation between him and Geonhak and Daekyu... He will be so happy to hear that he is securely bonded with them." 

"But then he'll know about Youngjo and Seoho." Hwanwoong said quietly. "And you know he'll tell Seoho." 

"Are you not going to tell them?" 

"How can I?" 

"Are you still having sex with Youngjo?" Dongmyeong asked and Hwanwoong knew that Dongmyeong didn't skirt topics, especially when it came to sex. "I'm taking your silence as a yes. You found out earlier this week that your mate is bonded to someone else and you're still sleeping with him?" Dongmyeong shrugged. "Giwook would be sleeping in his car if he had another bond." 

"Youngjo doesn't know." 

"But you've not told him." Dongmyeong sighed. "Do you think he'd change his mind and want Seoho?" 

"Seoho has a boyfriend and I don't want to risk that." 

"I know, I've met Sungho. He's nice. Although, Dongju told me about the argument he and Youngjo had regarding Sungho." Hwanwoong hated that everyone seemed to know that his mate was watching what another alpha was doing "You say you're saving him but Hwanwoong, I think you're really just saving yourself."

"What am I supposed to do?" 

"Tell them." Dongmyeong said quietly. "The pack need to see this bond assessment." 

"Dongmyeong." 

"I'm not going to make you do it, but I will tell you - our pack did ours to give you an excuse to carry out this plan. But all of us have felt more affirmed as a pack and within our own relationships. I found out that Seri is so bonded to Giwook that her paternity was not even questioned by the doctors. Yonghoon found out that if he had presented as either and omega or an alpha he would have a fully mated bond - He was made to be with Hyungu and Harin. You have this information about Seoho and Youngjo but look at the rest of the information. Daekyu is completely bonded to both of his parents, Dongju and Seoho have a strong connection, you and Keonhee are deeply connected too, and Youngjo and Geonhak have a bond that most packmates would die to have. I know I don't have a bond as strong as theirs with Hyungu." 

"If everyone finds out-" 

"What will they do? Youngjo picked you. Seoho has Sungho. You just need to believe in your relationship, unless, something else is going on." Dongmyeong looked concerned. "You told me he gave you a claim name, Youngjo is trying with you and you have to trust him. I know it's crazy coming from the person who refused to trust their true mate for as long as I have, but if he's trying then, he's certain he picked you." 

"Acorn. Peanut. He just picked a name close to what he called Seoho." 

"Maybe that's just where his naming instincts took him. I mean Geonhak might have dated someone previously he gave a floral name but it doesn't reduce how special it is for my brother to be his Sunflower." Dongmyeong had a unique perspective because he'd slept around but he'd only ever had Giwook - and he'd never had to doubt him, they were true mates. "You can't build your bond up if you don't trust him." 

"I trust him." 

"Then why are you doing this? Why are you keeping this from him?" Dongmyeong sighed when Hwanwoong didn't answer. "If you keep this from my brother, when he finds out - I don't know how the pack will cope. He's scared for his son. My brother will always see this as you not protecting his son, he can let most things go, but as soon as his son is involved he won't be able to see why you've done this." 

"Dongmyeong." 

"No, my brother will never forgive you and it will put Geonhak and Seoho in difficult positions. You love the pack but to love the pack is to think of everyone's needs, and Dongju _needs_ to know that his bond with Daekyu is secure. My brother has spent his whole life excited for the time he'd get pregnant, he tried so hard with Geonhak and now they finally have that, and my brother isn't excited. Not because he's having bad morning sickness, or he's struggling with the effects on his body, because he's actually have a really nice pregnancy but he is worrying about Daekyu. Worrying about how he will handle it" 

"Their bond is fine." 

"He needs it in writing Hwanwoong. He's scared." Dongmyeong shook his head. "Go, please." Dongmyeong looked away from him. "I can't change your mind, and I won't be a part of something that is going to hurt my brother, so you need to go. Please."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find my twitter [here](https://twitter.com/KK_Moonbeam) if you wanna chat or anything~


End file.
